The Wood Between the Worlds

I discovered this term the other day: FOMO.

Fear Of Missing Out.

I have major FOMO, and I think I always have. It's kind of a relief to put a term and a definition to the feeling. From as early as I can remember, I have loved life, and have wanted to do EVERYTHING! I could never really narrow down an instrument to play or a sport/activity/hobby to focus on for long enough to really excel. And forget about figuring out what I want to be when I grow up!! A midwife? A landscape architect? A photographer? A family therapist? I'm all over the place and can't decide. I hate the idea of picking a place to live forever. I wonder what I could be missing if I lived in X place, or Y place, so I may end up moving to both of them just to see.

I remember when I worked for Brighton Camp- it was my dream come true, and I had nothing tying me down. The world was my oyster.  I had to go to every single gathering, training, party, trip, play date, hike, fireside, etc, because I did not want to miss any of the fun.

I no longer have time to go to all the parties or to play all the sports, but there is one thing I always wanted to do- I ALWAYS wanted to be a wife and mother and I ALWAYS wanted to have the experience of raising both a boy and a girl. Missing out on either of those experiences would give me major life FOMO. And realizing that this is a thing that is part of my nature, it helps me to feel a lot more validated in my fear/sadness/grief born of not raising a daughter. This is a real, valid experience that I am missing. Writing it down like this somehow makes me feel better.

And now I think I may have rediscovered the usefulness of my blog as a journal, not meant for everyone, though I'm interested in seeing some different directions that I might take.