The Wood Between the Worlds

October 16, 2010

A great family in the Portland area founded the non profit organization A Butterfly's Touch when their baby died.  Every year they organize a lovely Walk to Remember to commemorate Nation Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I went last year and it was a disaster.  I was lost in a slump of sad days where I just didn't know what to do with myself.  Brent had to work.  We were really late and missed the walk.  The boys were too immature to sit through the program and caused a scene.  AH!  What a difference a year makes!!  This year I'm feeling fine, Brent still had to work, we were on time for the walk and the boys were SO mature and they sat through the entire program quietly.

And what a PERFECT day!  It was the day in which Elsa would have turned 14 months old!  I'm sad and happy all at once.  I miss her terribly.  I think about her every single day.  I wonder what a darling little toddler girl I would have around if she were here.  I would be dressing her in the adorable French clothes I found on craigslist (drool!).  People wouldn't be stopping me in stores and on the sidewalks to tell me that I have 3 boys (REally?!) and I must have my hands full (by the way, don't ever say those things to someone who has several of one gender).  Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be a negative post...but my feelings are often positive and negative, which is natural.  But the day was perfect.  It was beautiful weather.  It felt so good to honor and remember Elsa in a walk and formal ceremony.  It felt so good to hear someone else say her name out loud (If you say my baby's name you might make me cry, but if you don't say my baby's name you'll break my heart.  -Pat Schwiebert).  It felt so good to be among other mamas who know how I feel.  

The Walk:

a very BRIGHT and sunny autumn day!

I don't often allow myself to think about it...but I was thinking about how I bought this car seat for Elsa...and now Ollie's using it instead.

 Refreshments and Program:

treat wise, the boys were in heaven!

we all lit candles for Elsa this year.  I was VERY surprised and pleased that the boys were responsible with their candles and it seemed to mean something to them.  They didn't enjoy the speakers quite as much as I did though.

Some pictures from around the home that I don't want to forget:

all my boys!

Brent washes his feet before bed:
I used to wash my feet like this when I was little and I would come inside from a long day of playing all over the neighborhood.  I found it very funny to walk into our master bathroom and see Brent sitting on his sink washing his feet.

September 30, 2010
Is it essential that we remember exactly how old we are turning each year?  I think it's 33 this time, but honestly I'd have to do the math.  It's really funny how suddenly after 30 or 31 all the years are seeming to run together.  Maybe it's because Brent is finally done with school so there's no graduation ahead.  It's all just...life.  And guess what?  Brent's been done with school for just about 4 years now.  Yep.  That totally ran together and smushed into what seems like one year.  Weird.  Well, Brent and I...we don't care about aging.  In fact, we embrace it.  It's fun to grow older together.  Plus we have great plans for our life together, and one of them is to have Elsa back again...so the older we get, the sooner that will happen.  Right?

As life goes, things did not work out for Brent's 33rd birthday as planned.  For months we were planning our trip to Coeur D'Alene, Idaho over his birthday to be something special for him.  Hiking, exploring new territory...all things that Brent lives for.  But as I wrote in my last post...Coeur D'Alene did not work out (car kaboom!).  So we moved on to plan B: hiking and exploring closer to home.

Molalla River Corridor:
Brent had discovered this place by himself and he was dying to show it to us.  And let me tell ya, it was FABULOUS!  Kind of small and tucked out of the way, not very busy, but amazingly beautiful.  It would be a great place to build a homestead someday... (oh, dreams).  Anyway, we started out by visiting shotgun falls...a teeny little trail that is OH SO easy to miss.  Many of the local Molalla folk had never been there before.

hidden trail head

tiny little side canyon...the trail requires quite a bit of scampering

...and Brent had to ferry all of us across this steep ledge

see the waterfall through the trees?  It was really a quick hike.

the boys were playing and climbing and throwing rocks, as they usually do...when Joshua slipped and scraped his elbow!

self portrait with a sleeping Ollie in the Moby wrap

Haha!  Do you like the melted frosting and the random, mismatched birthday candles?...obviously I didn't plan ahead very well.  I'm not very good at making cute birthday celebrations...at least I baked a chocolate cake, eh?

NOT 27...it's 33!

little Brent

I LOVE his mouth...it's so pretty.

Or the vacation to Coeur d'aLAME!

Last October when Brent and I took a little trip to Seattle without the kids, we sat in a time share sales pitch in exchange for a $50 visa card and two free nights in Coeur D'Alene.  We were hoping to go as part of our summer vacation.  But we couldn't find two nights that weren't too close to Oliver's due date, so we scheduled the dates at the end of September...for Brent's birthday!

9/28/10
We took off to drive up to Coeur D'Alene!  And to see our friends the Fox family in Spokane!  We had a beautiful forecast for a last Indian Summer vacation.  Yay!

we stopped at this lookout point before heading north through Hermiston

  Then, about 30 miles north of Hermiston...something happened!  Our car kept running, but a BIG check engine light came on.  Brent knew from reading the owners manual that we should NOT keep driving after this light comes on.  DANG!  So we called the local dealership in Hermiston and had them send up a tow truck...hoping to get on our way that night, if possible.  As it turned out, they weren't able to look at our car until the next day...so we had to stay over in Hermiston.

 Stranded in Hermiston:
At least we had a cute baby to entertain us.  And a nice hotel to be stranded at...in Hermiston (yay.).  We actually had a lot of fun watching movies, eating at the hotel's buffet and swimming as a family in the indoor pool.  How long has it been since we've done that as a whole family??   

what a cutie!

both boys have gotten to be good swimmers!

Now the lame part of the story comes after we waited around in Hermiston for quite some time.  The dealership finally told us what was wrong and how long it would take to fix it.  Turns out it was going to be at least 5 days until they could even get the part in!!  So we made some quick decisions and decided to take our car back to our dealership in the Portland area.  Only problem: the hundreds of dollars it would cost to have the car towed back.  Thankfully we were able to rent a u-haul instead, and for $150 Brent was able to tow our car back.  Another problem: the u-haul cannot hold 5 people in the cab!  Arghy!  One problem after another.  Thankfully my sister who also lives in the Portland area was able to come to our rescue.  We waited around at the hotel all day while Brent was towing our car back...and by 9pm (the day after we left for our trip) we were home.  Nice trip.

At least the expensive part that broke in our car was covered by the warranty.  And then it took over a week for us to get the car back and I got to do a lot of running the boys to and from school!  There's a silver lining to every dark cloud.  And our prayers are often answered in ways that are unexpected.