The Wood Between the Worlds

 These kids have been running around and riding bikes together for almost 4 years now!

I hope we'll run into them every once in a while.

In other news:

Oliver is doing a really great job of grasping onto objects now.  He loves to hold onto rattles and toys. 

He has even started sucking his thumb!  How cute!  None of my other kids have done that.  It's nice right now, as he will sit quite contently for 20-30 minutes sucking his thumb while I'm busy.

He's such a good, sweet baby.

sweet little place with overstuffed armchairs around the tables and bookshelves full of quaintness.

Across the street:

The library and playground and loads of fallen leaves to scoop up and jump in!

 This is our library.  And I love this place for so many reasons.  When we first moved here, the library was in a strip mall.  An ugly strip mall.  Thankfully that strip mall is being torn down and the library had to move.  This new building is the OLD library.  Before the strip mall.  They moved out of this building because it is so small.  Personally, I don't care if it's small.  I place all my holds over the internet anyway.  But this building has character!  Especially in the autumn.  And it has an old school playground outside.  And the building is a miniature version of my old elementary school (Uintah!).  

AND it now contains my sharp memories of being in hard labor and pleading with Toby to leave so the baby wouldn't be born right there on that concrete wall.

 leaves and more leaves

 here's the view from under the tree

 Across the street is the mortuary where we took Elsa.  I walked in with her on the right side of the building there.  I pass this building all the time.  And such is my life.  Full of beauty and memories.  

Someday after we move away from here, I want to remember all of these places. 

The brown 'Born Free' Moby Wrap is the wrap that I bought when I was pregnant with Elsa.  I bought it used on craigslist.  I thought the butterfly was cute and the brown would match with most of my clothes.  And yes that is Ricki Lake in the above picture.  She produced this documentary called The Business of Being Born, which is a very informative documentary.  And these Moby Wraps were being marketed with the documentary.  That wasn't necessarily the reason why I bought one (though I do agree with the message of the documentary)...I bought it mostly because I liked it and it was cheap.  

Flash forward to after Elsa's birth.  One of the first things I noticed after her birth was the Born Free Moby Wrap sitting in her empty room.  Was this a coincidence?  My Elsa, Born Free?

Over the past year whenever I get to thinking about how sad I am that my baby died, I think about the Moby Wrap and the message to me: Born Free.  Yes having my baby die is very hard and very sad.  But she was Born Free.  Elsa was Born Free from pain.  Elsa was Born Free from sin.  Elsa was Born Free from temptation.  Elsa was Born Free from trial, hunger, pride, malice, war, anything this crazy world can inflict she was Born Free from.  This truth, above everything else, is what brings me the most joy and comfort.  Death  is easy (and probably delightful) for the one dying.  It is only difficult for those left behind.  But imagining her spirit Free and knowing that she is protected from all of the bad stuff this world has to offer, that makes it a little easier for me.

Someday...we'll have our Elsa back and the world will be beautiful.  Until then I feel a twinge longing and awe when I  see beautiful birds and butterflies and think of my Elsa flying free...a heavenly blessing.   

And for now, I'll keep using that Born Free Moby Wrap...on each little earthly blessing that is sent to us.

 

  

And just in case you were wondering...

If Elsa was here with us on earth (as a 14 month old baby), and in need of a Halloween costume...

This is what she would've been.  I saw this butterfly online and it melted my heart.  {Sigh!}

Ollie is the sweetest baby.  He talks and coos and smiles so big!  He is so chill.  He sleeps really well both at night and for naps.  He is easy to read.  He's so expressive.  He loves his brothers and deedle.  He is soft and round and cute.  He is starting to grab hold of things.  I love it when he holds my face or my hand close to his chest.  His looks are a mix between Toby and Joshua.

 He's such a strong baby.  He can stand up with support, and has been known to sit for almost a minute without any support.  Usually he just topples forward though.  :-P

Love him.

Every day I thank him for coming to me.

Every day I thank the Lord for sending him.