The Wood Between the Worlds

You are closer to me than ever before, and the only difference is that instead of opening my eyes to see you, now I must open my heart.

-unknown

Elsa is still here...I just can't see her.  But boy can I feel her!  That is exactly what 'The Wood Between the Worlds' means...and yes, I got it from C.S. Lewis' The Magician's Nephew.  I've been cast into a wood, which is between the worlds.  Part of me still lives in the mortal world where time has become somewhat of an odd thing.  I can't believe it is December already.  I feel as though I am still back in September.  I feel as though I am still pregnant...almost like I never had my baby.  In the mortal world, I catch myself often acting as though I am pregnant...I am nervous to jump, or climb too high, or walk across a bunch of boulders on the beach.  But I am finding myself enjoying life in the mortal world often, and that is mostly because of the other part of me that lives in the spirit world. That is a place where I can feel Elsa whenever I think about her.  It is a deep, rich love that emanates from my chest, and I know that I can feel her presence.

Recently, I have been able to share this world with Toby.  For all these months since Elsa died, he has been crushed.  He has only been able to show his hurt in the form of anger.  He has been angry that she had to die.  He was SO excited to have a baby in our home.  When we were in Mt. Shasta, I was putting him to bed one night and he told me again how angry he was that Elsa died, and how much he misses her.  I told him something that I've told him before, that Elsa is all around us and he can still talk to her and love her...and this time I think it finally sunk in.  He asked me how, because he can't see her...and I said 'we can't see her with our eyes, but we can feel her with our heart and you just have to trust that she is here with you and that she loves you.'  Ever since that evening he has been a lot happier. Now Elsa rides in the car with him...buckled into the seatbelt right next to him, and she sleeps next to him in his bed, and she drinks a sippy cup full of spirit water, and she even wears spirit clothes!   

  C.S. Lewis describes the wood as having a warm temperature and containing a large number of leafy trees, with canopy foliage so thick that the sky (assuming there is one) cannot be seen from the ground.  Despite the thick foliage, a strong light does penetrate to the woodland floor, clearly illuminating objects.  The salient feature of the wood, other than the trees, is the presence of many pools of water. Initially, the pools appear to be just shallow puddles. However, when someone jumps into one of the pools while wearing another magic ring, the pool of water transports the wearer to a different world.  And the wood is said to make one feel peaceful and sleepy.

C.S. Lewis' allegorical stories have applied to my life and brougt me much comfort over the years.  That is why Toby's middle initials are 'C.S.'  Not Clive Staples (as is C.S. Lewis), but he is still Tobias C.S. Jefferies and I hope he can draw from the stories the peace that I have.