I know that there is a lot that I need to blog about...we'll see how much of it I actually end up publishing...Elsa's services were lovely, there are many thank yous in order to so many people, then there's "the story". And amidst all of this Brent and I had a very sweet and private 10th anniversary road trip alone with our beloved daughter.
However I feel like the first blog entry, post-services needs to be addressed to my many dear friends and family who are currently expecting their own little ones. It is true: there are SO many people expecting babies this year! I am so happy for all of you. It is hard to describe how the thought of a newborn just makes my heart melt now. It was a lovely thing before this experience, but now it's just ethereal. And I know that if I was in your shoes that I would be going through a myriad of emotions...I would be very paranoid about my baby being alright, I would be wondering how to approach this friend who is mourning, I would be wondering why all of this happened and if it could have been prevented, etc. So I thought that I would let you know what had been found, in hope that it can bring you some level of peace...as I know it brings me some measure of peace.
Elsa's death was almost certainly caused by a hematoma in the umbilical cord. After looking at several medical studies, I have found the information that 1 in 5,000 babies are born with a hematoma in the cord. Out of all of these babies, about 40% die before they are born. The remaining 60% of the babies are born and the parents realize they are very lucky that their baby was somehow able to live despite the hematoma. In conclusion, the chances of this anomaly happening are quite small.
In addition to these statistics, out of every baby that has been born with a hematoma...only 2 hematomas have been found prenatally. That probably does not bring comfort...but it reminds us that truly that God is in charge. Despite all of our modern medical technology, and our ability to detect and cure many medical problems...sometimes there just are a few things that we have no control over. I have learned to trust that if my baby is the 40% of 1 in 5,000 to die from this...that it must be God's will. Especially considering that there were no physical signs of any problems with Elsa's body or the placenta. In fact, everything about my pregnancy (as usual for me) was the perfect model of health.
And now I just have to say a word to all of the mother's out there: please smell your baby's head for me. Please enjoy the warmth radiating from your baby's body. Please enjoy having your arms full, even when it's not convenient. Please cherish all of your night feedings and wakings. Please drink your baby in during those intimate moments. I will look at your babies over the years to gage how old my Elsa would have been and to see which developmental stage she would've been in...and I will look forward with a perfect brightness of hope for the morning of the first resurrection.
(for more information about my spiritual beliefs take a look at www.mormon.org.
Our Dancing Queen
2 weeks ago
11 comments:
Kate, that was beautiful. I love you guys!
Kate, I love your words! You have a perspective now that not every parent has, and I think that it gives you such a deep well of understanding. I think you have changed my thinking forever -- I complain way too much about the little inconveniences of parenthood, and I should not. Each child is a miracle...I will never take anything for granted! Love you guys!
Kate I love your honesty, you are truly a woman I look up too. Thankyou for sharing and helping me have a better perspective.
Your words were beautiful, and I have tears streaming down my face. I will most definitely not be taking one second of this experience for granted this time around. Little Elsa has been constantly in my thoughts this last week, but not in a bad way, in a very good way. Experiencing this with you hasn't made me fearful, but grateful, and I hope that you will be comforted by having Bennett around, rather than it being more painful for you. I was thinking of you all day yesterday, and am glad to hear that the services were nice. When are you guys coming home?? Let me know. I thought for sure I was going to be holding my little guy by this morning when I was up in the night last night, but nope, Bennett is still safely tucked inside. We love you guys.
kate, you're an amazing woman and I'm so glad for the gospel to comfort you during this time. I have been thinking about you and your family SO much. Elsa is certainly an amazing girl with a perfect spirit. MUCH LOVE!!xoxo
Thank you for sharing your comforting words with us I wish I could be the one suffering for you. But you are so strong and God gave you that gift and also the gift of Elsa. I pray that she will not haunt your dreams or memories, but will fill your lives with love and peace and hope. May God bless your family and keep you strong. Hope is just a dream away. love, Connie
Katie--it is so brave of you to share your thoughts and feelings with your friends and family at this point in your experience, and I want you to know I really appreciate it. I will do all that you said to do with Henry and have been praying every day that you would feel the daily comfort that you deserve and need at this time.
My dear friend Mindi lost her little sweet infant daughter about 4 years ago and it has been a privilege to go through the experience with her and to see how she has dealt with the pain and has also looked forward with hope to when she gets to reunite with her angel baby. I hope that as your far away friend you can feel my love and support for you now and in the difficult months and years to come.
I am not very grand with words but I will say this, sharing a pregnancy with you was so much fun and thinking of your little Elsa has indeed made me appreciate all of the aches and pains my little Calvin is giving me at the moment. I agree with Tara that I hope that having my baby around will not be painful for you. We have had your family constantly in our prayers. I will definitely take your advise and enjoy EVERYTHING and not take it for granted. We love you guys and hope you get home safely.
You are such a strong person. Your perspective through all of this is amazing to me. I know how you feel as you expressed these thoughts. My cousin was due the same week as I was with Jack. 2 years later I still cry when I see her little boy but at the same time it gives comfort to see a little boy Jack's age grow up. I'm thinking of you often and crying with you everyday. It gives me comfort in my darkest moments to think of Jack watching down on our family and I hope you are picturing Elsa watching you too.
Katie, you are incredible. Thank you for reminding me what a gift and blessing my children are.
Wow, you guys. I'm so touched not only by what you wrote but by all the wonderful insightful comments that people have left. I'm left not knowing what else to say but that I'm so grateful that you are feeling the power of the support all around you, near and far, and that you're feeling the blessing side of this experience. You are amazing people and I love you so much.