The Wood Between the Worlds

I don't have much to say...except that I can't wait to see how cute Elsa will look at 4 months.

Sewing...I learned how to make hats, mittens and scarves in my high school outdoor clothing class.  Over the years, I've sewed odds and ends: mending little boys' pants, making Jedi capes for Joshua's birthday party, etc...  Well, I needed a hobby to get my mind off things and I decided to start sewing again and learn to sew more advanced things.  And right after I made that decision, my girlfriends started getting together for a weekly sewing day.  And my more experienced sewing friend Katie guided me through the process of making this:

 
...and I must say I am pretty pleased with the result.  I love this style of wrap dress, but it is very hard to find it in anything other than boring brown or black.  I LOVE fun colors and patterns and I can't wait to do more!

I have been thinking about writing this blog post for several weeks now, since I first heard the news about the death of a young man/husband/father in the Nutty Putty Caves, west of Utah Lake in Utah.  This is a tragic, heart wrenching event and I am so sorry for the family of this young man.  I cannot begin to imagine the pain of loosing a young spouse!  And now the fate of the cave, which I have a great interest in, is still up in the air it seems.  It is slated to be closed as a final resting place for the young man who died there.

My story with the Nutty Putty Cave goes all the way back to my junior year in high school.  One evening I was hanging out with several of my guy friends when they all decided to go down to Nutty Putty Cave.  I pretty much had no idea what to expect...I thought it would be a large cavern in which you walk into and explore.  When we got there and I saw that the opening to the cave was a 2 foot hole in the ground, I said NO WAY!  I was on my way to the car to wait during their 'little' exploration when one friend informed me that I would be waiting in the car for 4 hours while they explored.  Hm...ok, I decided to go in.

It turns out that I was right in thinking I was a person with claustrophobia; a fear of tight spaces (after squeezing myself through 'The Birth Canal').  But that evening as I was exploring that AMAZING cave, I realized what it meant to face a fear and overcome it.  By the time we left, I was loving Nutty Putty Cave.  I took the chance over the next two years to encourage any return trips to Nutty Putty with those guys.  And Brent might have come along as one of those guy friends once or twice... 

The next Nutty Putty phase of my life began my freshman year at BYU (Brigham Young Universtiy in Utah)...summer term.  I was accepted to BYU on the contingency that I started summer term, you see (I spent a little too much of my high school time playing that my grades weren't what they could've and should've been to get into BYU, which is quite a competitive school.  [I mean, its no Harvard though :-)])...and there was absolutely NO WAY that I was going to go to college summer term, right after high school graduation, without a break and NOT take a class like "Introduction to Outdoor Recreation".  So...tucked in among classes such as Introduction to College Writing, New Testament Studies, and Intermediate Swimming...was Introduction to Outdoor Recreation.  Did I mention that this (and skiing) were the best classes I took at BYU?  Well the most fun, anyway.

Introduction to Outdoor recreation was led by a professor who took our small class of about 15 girls and 1 boy, Eduardo on recreational jaunts twice a week.  We did canoing, mountain biking, hiking, a high ropes course, the Nutty Putty Caves...and the crowning event of our term was an awesome hiking trip to Southern Utah: Capitol Reef National Park, Little Wildhorse and Bell Canyons, and The Black Hole...cultivating my love for canyoneering.  But I digress...back to Nutty Putty Cave: our professor was a Nutty Putty Cave expert, and he led us through the passages with surity and knowledge...teaching us the proper safety and techniques and the names of each passage and every little nook and cranny!  I soaked all of this in as I was now learning so much more about a place I had been to many times, conquered a fear in, and grown to love.


The next three years down at BYU, I took the liberty to share my knowledge of the cave with other students.  I often led groups of students from my classes, my dorm and/or wards (church groups) on Nutty Putty trips...often at 10 pm on Saturday nights, where we would be out all night in the cave (and get back in time to shower, get two hours of sleep, and wake up to go to church).  I remember one time in particular I took a group of all girls and on the way there, my ol' silver Ford Tauras (The "Spaceship Enterprise") got stuck in a very deep and very muddy rut in the road.  We said a quick prayer, got out and I am absolutely certain that the six of us WOMEN lifted my car out of the mud.

I remember my very last trip to the cave.  I took a group of girlfriends with whom I had worked a summer at Brighton LDS Girls Camp with.  It was during the day, for a change.  I felt that I had attainted absolute knowledge and surity of the cave's passages by this trip.  I felt a maturity that I hadn't felt there before.  Yet at this culmination, I felt done with Nutty Putty Cave.  I felt like I had accomplished something great, and I was done.  I never returned.  I graduated from college, got married, started a career, had children and the rest is history.

So, my point in writing this personal history comes back to the fate of this cave: SHOULD IT BE CLOSED forever, sealed shut with concrete or a pile of rubble?  I can understand the thought process that has gone into making such a decision.  The rescue mission for the young man was long and physically AND emotionally taxing.  A few people have been stuck in tight passages over the years.  This is the first fatality.  And because the passage where the young man died will be his final resting place, this makes the cave a hallowed and sacred place.

But I have also heard the option of sealing off the passage where the young man died and leaving the rest of the cave open to be explored only by permit and/or guided tours.  I favor this option.  I know it sounds morbid, but if this had happened to me and my husband or father had the final resting place inside the cave...I would like to have the option to go into the cave and get as close to him as possible.  Maybe not right away, but at some point...  And truly, this cave is magnificent!  I would love to be able to go on a guided tour someday with my children, if the time ever felt right again.

So...what do YOU think?             

Joshua and Brent both had their first recitals this past week...Joshua on the piano and Brent on the accordion! They both take lessons from the same teacher who lives around the block from us.


Joshua's teacher was surprised that Joshua sings all of his pieces while he plays them. She said that most students can't do that for quite a few years. Joshua enjoyed playing in front of a crowd and he said he "didn't have any stage fright!"

It is now our yearly tradition to visit the Christmas tree farm across the street from our neighborhood to pick out a Christmas tree.  We walk and run through all the trees until we find the perfect one, then with a borrowed saw cut it down!

You are closer to me than ever before, and the only difference is that instead of opening my eyes to see you, now I must open my heart.

-unknown

Elsa is still here...I just can't see her.  But boy can I feel her!  That is exactly what 'The Wood Between the Worlds' means...and yes, I got it from C.S. Lewis' The Magician's Nephew.  I've been cast into a wood, which is between the worlds.  Part of me still lives in the mortal world where time has become somewhat of an odd thing.  I can't believe it is December already.  I feel as though I am still back in September.  I feel as though I am still pregnant...almost like I never had my baby.  In the mortal world, I catch myself often acting as though I am pregnant...I am nervous to jump, or climb too high, or walk across a bunch of boulders on the beach.  But I am finding myself enjoying life in the mortal world often, and that is mostly because of the other part of me that lives in the spirit world. That is a place where I can feel Elsa whenever I think about her.  It is a deep, rich love that emanates from my chest, and I know that I can feel her presence.

Recently, I have been able to share this world with Toby.  For all these months since Elsa died, he has been crushed.  He has only been able to show his hurt in the form of anger.  He has been angry that she had to die.  He was SO excited to have a baby in our home.  When we were in Mt. Shasta, I was putting him to bed one night and he told me again how angry he was that Elsa died, and how much he misses her.  I told him something that I've told him before, that Elsa is all around us and he can still talk to her and love her...and this time I think it finally sunk in.  He asked me how, because he can't see her...and I said 'we can't see her with our eyes, but we can feel her with our heart and you just have to trust that she is here with you and that she loves you.'  Ever since that evening he has been a lot happier. Now Elsa rides in the car with him...buckled into the seatbelt right next to him, and she sleeps next to him in his bed, and she drinks a sippy cup full of spirit water, and she even wears spirit clothes!   

  C.S. Lewis describes the wood as having a warm temperature and containing a large number of leafy trees, with canopy foliage so thick that the sky (assuming there is one) cannot be seen from the ground.  Despite the thick foliage, a strong light does penetrate to the woodland floor, clearly illuminating objects.  The salient feature of the wood, other than the trees, is the presence of many pools of water. Initially, the pools appear to be just shallow puddles. However, when someone jumps into one of the pools while wearing another magic ring, the pool of water transports the wearer to a different world.  And the wood is said to make one feel peaceful and sleepy.

C.S. Lewis' allegorical stories have applied to my life and brougt me much comfort over the years.  That is why Toby's middle initials are 'C.S.'  Not Clive Staples (as is C.S. Lewis), but he is still Tobias C.S. Jefferies and I hope he can draw from the stories the peace that I have.

At very short notice we decided to make the 6 hour drive south to Mt. Shasta, California (fun little town!) to stay with Brent's brother Glen and his little family for Thanksgiving.  Brent only had 3 days off, which wasn't quite enough to made the drive to back to Utah (besides, we drove to Utah ONE too many times this year already).  Brent's parents had decided to make the drive up from Utah and Brent's Aunt/Uncle and cousins were congregating at a giant rental house at Lake Shasta!  We're always up for a party!  Especially with some family that we haven't seen in a very long time.  And especially when the trip includes venturing into parts of the world where we have not yet visited!