First of all, I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to friends, family and strangers who have been touched by Elsa and MamaBaby Haiti and have shared love and money to this great cause! My goal was $500, and we raised $355! I'm going to throw a corny cliche at you now: reach for the stars and you'll end up with the moon! I'm very happy that we could contribute so much money to such a worthy cause. And feel free to make another donation any time you please :-) ...or now that you are an official MBH donator, you should buy some
official apparel! As for me, I am going to keep donating a little every month until I reach my goal of $500.
But now for the moment everyone has been waiting for!
{I picked names out of a bowl because not everyone replied to the same blog entry,which is not a problem because it was a little confusing!}
The winner of the photography mini session with TM Custom Portraits:
Emily J.
The winners of a Sweet Meadowlark baby blanket:
Betsy B.
Kylie G.
and I decided to give one more away because I am feeling so blessed by all of you:
Kristina Z.
Please send me a message within 48 hours with your contact information to claim your prize!
Blessings to you all! XXOO
Today...or yesterday, as it is now WAY past my bedtime...marks the passage of two years since our adored angel Elsa was born. I have so much to say...I don't even know how to organize it all.
These past few months, I have been feeling well. Really well, and have found what feels like a "good" place in my feelings toward Elsa and life in general. I *finally* figured out a way to stop feeling jealous of everyone with little girls! That was a HUGE step toward feeling good. I can't even explain how I let go of that twinge of jealousy...but my heart needed it. And I was also able to let go of my pride a bit and see that Elsa's death (and every time I feel sad or jealous) is a chastisement for my little self from God. I listened to
this talk in our church's General Conference over and over {I tend to do that...I take one or two favorite talks and listen to them until they sink in SO well...} "As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten". First of all, isn't it SO good to know that God loves me? No doubt! My very favorite part of this talk is when Elder Christofferson tells the story of President Hugh B. Brown and his current bush. He had a bush that was overgrown and not bearing any fruit, and so he cut the bush way down because he knew that would help the bush to grow fruit the way it was intended. And he imagine the bush saying:
“How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. … And now you have cut me down. Every plant in the garden will look down on me. … How could you do this to me? I thought you were the gardener here.”
President Brown replied, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. I didn’t intend you to be a fruit tree or a shade tree. I want you to be a currant bush, and someday, little currant bush, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for loving me enough to cut me down.’”
{Incidentally, it is SO true that bushes and trees produce more fruit when they are cut down. I have learned this for myself these past few years as I have been striving to grow fruit myself!}
As soon as I could truly submit to this chastening, I can't describe the feeling of peace that I experienced, and the load that was lifted from my shoulders. And every time I start to feel sad, I remember this...and immediately my burden is lifted. I have heard the scripture in Matthew 11 many times:
28) Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (29) Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. (30) For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
But now I think I have finally experienced my burdens having been made light. {I'm sure I have before, but it wasn't as noticeable since the burden wasn't as heavy.}
I also love this talk by Elder Nelson with all of my heart. My favorite part (the part I had to keep replaying over and over) is when he says:
"Unfailing faith is fortified through prayer. Your heartfelt pleadings are important to Him. Think of the intense and impassioned prayers of the Prophet Joseph Smith during his dreadful days of incarceration in Liberty Jail. The Lord responded by changing the Prophet’s perspective. He said, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”
If we pray with an eternal perspective, we need not wonder if our most tearful and heartfelt pleadings are heard. This promise from the Lord is recorded in section 98 of the Doctrine and Covenants:
“Your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord … and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
“Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.”
The Lord chose His strongest words to reassure us! Seal! Testament! Sworn! Decreed! Immutable covenant! Brothers and sisters, believe Him! God will heed your sincere and heartfelt prayers, and your faith will be strengthened."
So I've been good lately. Really good. I'm enjoying my life SO much! And I have felt very happy with the idea of raising money for MamaBaby Haiti in memorandum of Elsa's beautiful life. And I was very excited to have a girly, pink tea party to celebrate her life {despite my 6 year old's protests against anything "too girly"}. And our tea party was a success! It was lovely.
Elsa's Garden
kids
Our special guests
Lara=sister Tara=like a sister
peppermint tea with cream and sugar!
These are our butterflies that we were going to release into Elsa's garden...
meadowlark stepping stone for garden
finished stepping stone (just needs to dry) and cute baby coming to help!
.......
And then I spent some time alone...I read some notes from all the well wishers (thank you)...
and one note struck me in particular. From my dear friend Rachel (who lost her sweet Matthew a few years back):
"I know that you are being timewarped back to that day as we speak, and I know it's tough but so important too."
And that's when I knew I needed to be alone so I could think about everything that was happening every beautiful moment 2 years ago. And then I cried. And I'm crying still. I miss my daughter SO much. I want her back. I LOVE her!! My body trembles to think of the emotional and physical pain that I have been through in the last two years. But it is ok...it is all ok. Seasons of pain come before seasons of joy. One thing I always remember when I'm in the midst of a most difficult or crushing challenge:
What is unbearable now will change. What is effortless now will change. Change is dependably constant. Have faith in change.
{I got that quote from this beautiful site.}
And when I feel like I just can't breathe anymore from the gaping hole in my heart, I remember that the holy spirit is my breath.
And I remember these words of Joseph Smith:
“A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”
“Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”
President Joseph F. Smith, the sixth President of the Church, reported: “Joseph Smith taught the doctrine that the infant child that was laid away in death would come up in the resurrection as a child; and, pointing to the mother of a lifeless child, he said to her: ‘You will have the joy, the pleasure and satisfaction of nurturing this child, after its resurrection, until it reaches the full stature of its spirit.’ …
And
“This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …
“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.”
Elsa~too pure, too lovely for this earth
<3
You still have time to donate to MamaBaby Haiti tonight! I'll pick the winners of the drawing tomorrow morning...
Thanks for your support!
If you're looking for the fund raiser/drawing...click here!
P.S. If you didn't tell me how much you donated, I'm assuming it was $5. Please let me know otherwise, so I can tally the total amount we have made!
If you're looking for the fund raiser/drawing...click here!
June 21, 2011
I know it's been almost two months since he had his birthday, but I'm still furiously trying to catch up!
In our family we do friend parties on even birthdays. That's just because they are a lot of work for me and end up costing too much money to do it every year. So this is an even year for Toby and I was planning on putting together a BIG, FUN party for him this year...but because me moved RIGHT before his birthday and we went to Utah for my sister's wedding RIGHT after his birthday...sadly, I did not have enough time to organize something awesome {like Joshua's Star Wars and Harry Potter parties}. I kinda settled for just inviting a few friends from church and school to meet us at the spray park for a picnic, cupcakes, popsicles, and some water fun. But honestly I don't think the kids even noticed that we were "settling" because they had a lot of fun! It was the first day of summer and the first really warm day this year.
nothing too fancy...just the plain ol' simple
Happy birthday to you! Chachacha! Ooolala!
Toby and Carter have been the best of friends since we moved to Oregon
Later, at home...PRESENTS!!
I love that Toby still LOVES Woody and Toy Story even though he's getting older
and could be starting to like grungier things.
Some Harry Potter lego sets to add to their collection
I interviewed Toby and asked him to tell me some stuff about him right now:
~Best thing about family:
Um...doing fun stuff and also being together forever! Both! Two!
~Best thing about church:
Doing activities.
~Favorite color:
I have 5. The first one is orange, the second one is green, the third one is yellow, the fourth one is red, and the fifth one is black.
~Favorite food:
I have a TON! So I just don't know which one to do! How about pizza, cheese, spaghetti, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
~Favorite activity:
I'm not sure I have SO MUCH! Swing on swings, jump on trampoline, go places, meeting up with friends at the park or a restaurant or something, riding my bike, and hiking
~Favortie vacation:
Utah, camping at the beach, California and Alaska and Canada
Toby through the years:
Love this kid...big time.
If you're looking for the fund raiser/drawing...click
here!
6/19/11
In case you did not know, Brent has been "deedle" ever since Joshua started talking. He used to say "deedledeedledeedledeedle", over and over. So that became Brent's fatherly name from thenceforth.
No deedle day would be complete without breakfast in bed (waffles made by Toby)...
...and a brand new chess board picked out by Joshua and Toby for their deedle to play with them {how sweet}.
And a sweet baby makes it even better!
Thanks for being a great deedle Brent!
Do you still need to donate to MamaBaby Haiti for Elsa's birthday? Click here! Click here!
Memorial Day 2011
 |
| The view of Saddle Mountain from the Astoria Tower, Astoria, Oregon |
A prominent mountain in the North Oregon Coastal Range, Saddle Mountain is a hike that we have been longing to do since we moved to Oregon. It is 6 miles round trip, and from the top you {supposedly} can see the
entire north Oregon coast and up the Colombia River {drool!}. For some reason I had always imaged us doing this hike on Memorial Day...so on Memorial Day we met up with my sister Annika {who also lives in the Portland area with her husband, who sadly, had to work} and we drove out to Saddle Mountain.
When we left the Portland area, the weather was looking good. But by the time we reached our destination it was cloudy and raining.
We almost turned back. But we were sufficiently prepared with jackets and boots to do the hike...and after waiting for 4 years I did not want to put it off any longer!
Toby gets mentally prepared in the parking lot for the ascent
hiking through the forest at the beginning of the trial...the rain is filtered through the leaves and spirits are pretty high!
as time goes on, the trail gets muddier and we start to feel uncertain about this adventure
Auntie Annika with Joshua and Toby
~~just above the forest part of the trail and things are starting to get steep. Toby feels worried so we put the hiking harness on him to keep him safe.
taking a quick break and feeling pretty wet
From here on out either the rain stopped or we hiked above it, which is nice...
we put the umbrellas away and start to air out.
{you can tell we are not true Oregonians because we use umbrellas. Haha!
But I need it to shelter Oliver riding on my back...sorry Oregonians!}
Toby was wondering when we were going to turn back...
so we told him of the Trader Joe's cookies that would be waiting at the top! Then he was excited!
We start to wonder what the view would be like if these clouds would burn off...
the trail has lots of extra grippy chicken wire to walk on, as well as railings and steps/walkways
Good job boys...you're doing GREAT!! We're almost there.
Getting close...
...AND we MADE IT to the summit! And found the cookies! But we didn't get to see the amazing views because of the clouds {we're already thinking of a return trip very soon}.
These TOUGH GUYS made it! Yay!
baby is happy to get out of the carrier for a while
and now we're heading back...
succulents
AND wouldn't you know it? On the way back down, the clouds decided to burn off and the sun comes out?!? Doggonnit!! We almost turned around right there and hiked back up to the summit! But...we didn't.
Instead we enjoyed the beautiful views.
Saddle Mountain...we WILL be back!
Since we were so close to the coast, we decided to go get dinner in Seaside...
and enjoyed a SPECTACULAR sunset
Our fist trip to the beach this summer
{always on my mind, and in my heart...always with us <3}
going...going...
GONE.
Heaven is for real.
YAY surfing guy!
