The Wood Between the Worlds

It's been a while.

My thoughts and feelings are getting bottlenecked.
Competing with pictures and news on Instagram and Facebook.

8 years ago today, Elsa was ALIVE in my belly. Maybe for the last time, I'm not sure. But at my midwife appointment, 3 days before she was born, she was ALIVE, and I was alive. We were together.

Since my spirit does not exist within the time constrains of this world, I can visit this day as if it is still in front of me. It is such a special, exciting time. The time I spend with Elsa in my belly is so sacred. My joy is full. The excitement of finally getting a girl. A GIRL!  It is the happiest time of my life.

These memories used to make me sad. For many years. I looked forward with all of my heart to being pregnant with another girl, so that I could have these feelings again, and this time, the feelings last, my daughter is born alive, and I get to raise her. But that righteous desire of my heart has not come to pass. Each passing year would bring a little more sorrow in that.

Now a paradigm shift. Time is not a thing where she is. That moment of pure joy can last and last and  last forever. And that joy can get me through this life. No longer do I need to compare my joy to others' or most importantly, to my own past joy. I OWN MY JOY, and nobody, and certainly not time, can take that away from me.

Elsa, you belong with me.