Our Dancing Queen
2 months ago
This is an effort to try to make the rest of the summer fun for the boys:
Thanks for coming to help with the boys. They miss you.
Once upon a time...before my life was completely changed:
these two kids took swimming lessons, learned a lot, had a lot of fun! (I totally LOVE these kids!)
I sat in the bleachers, watching them...and hoping that I wouldn't have the baby before the two week session was over. (I had the baby 3 days after it ended).
I painted the nursery this lovely shade of green and decorated with a botanical-woodsy theme.
(cute, huh?)
And now we've turned her little crib into a shrine. It seemed appropriate to me to put her picture in the crib. It almost looks like she belongs there.
One more explanation on "The Wood Between the World": I first got the idea for this theme when we were driving back to Oregon after the funeral and burial. I was thinking about what I was going to do with the stuff in the nursery, when the idea of "The Wood" brought me peace and comfort. I am going to turn her room into "The Wood Between the Worlds", until the room is needed again.
Here are some more pictures taken by Tara the next morning:
The day after Elsa was born was the hardest day of my life. We had to take her sweet body to the Mortuary and leave her with a complete stranger by 4:00 pm. Before that I spent the whole day sitting on the couch holding her. It felt like she was alive and just sleeping in my lap all day.
Tara helped us take molds of her hand and foot. It is these pictures and molds that will help us remember that all of this really happened.
We had a little birthday party for Elsa the next day. We still wanted to celebrate her life and that she is a part of our family forever. We wanted to make that point to the little boys. They got some special gifts to help them remember Elsa.
After the funeral, Brent and I spent about an hour alone with Elsa...we took every picture we could possibly imagine from every angle. I held her body one last time.
We said our last goodbyes...
The next morning we met with only a very few people at Elsa's grave for the dedication. Brent did a wonderful job dedicating her grave. I know that her body will be safe there until she is resurrected.
The boys smelling Elsa's flowers
contemplating in Elsa's sacred burial ground
We went to lunch downtown in Salt Lake City. Afterward we took a picture of our family in front of the building where Brent and I were married 10 years ago. In addition to being married we were also sealed together forever to all of our future children. This is why we will get Elsa back, if we live the way we're supposed to. This is the hope that is holding us together. It still doesn't soothe the ache of having her gone right now.
We went back and saw her grave before heading back to Oregon. We left her body in Utah, but her spirit remains here with us in Oregon...in the home where she was born. We will always have that closeness to her.
And finally, the display from the open house we had in Oregon:
She even has the same fine hair that Toby was born with.
I still can't believe this is happening to me.
It's a tormented kind of love.
Thanks be to...
Tara who was/is an emotional support to me through all of this. Also for all the professional pictures, hand/foot prints and hand/foot molds. All priceless treasures.
Our birth team and Andaluz Waterbirth Center for doing a great job and handling everything so well. Also for the massage and therapeutic listening.
Our church for stepping in with meals, love, kind words, prayers.
Our family for coming in to help us with Joshua and Toby; cleaning and meals. The time that you spent with the little boys helped ease their pain. I know it wasn't easy and that there has been some regression on their part, but know that this is their way of adjusting to this tragic time for them (their hearts are broken).
Our friends and extended family for flowers, cards, books, beautiful gifts of remembrance; and also love support, kind words, poems, prayers, compassion, tears. Thank you to all who were able to attend the viewing and/or the funeral in Utah, also the open house we had in Oregon.
Our kind neighbors who have shown their concern and support.
Brent, who has cried with me and held me and talked with me and rejoiced with me. Thank you for a joyful and serene 10th anniversary celebration in the midst of all of this. Thank you for all that we have learned together. Thank you for your promises.
The Lord and Savior for all of His compassion, comfort and 'tender mercies.'
Tara who was/is an emotional support to me through all of this. Also for all the professional pictures, hand/foot prints and hand/foot molds. All priceless treasures.
Our birth team and Andaluz Waterbirth Center for doing a great job and handling everything so well. Also for the massage and therapeutic listening.
Our church for stepping in with meals, love, kind words, prayers.
Our family for coming in to help us with Joshua and Toby; cleaning and meals. The time that you spent with the little boys helped ease their pain. I know it wasn't easy and that there has been some regression on their part, but know that this is their way of adjusting to this tragic time for them (their hearts are broken).
Our friends and extended family for flowers, cards, books, beautiful gifts of remembrance; and also love support, kind words, poems, prayers, compassion, tears. Thank you to all who were able to attend the viewing and/or the funeral in Utah, also the open house we had in Oregon.
Our kind neighbors who have shown their concern and support.
Brent, who has cried with me and held me and talked with me and rejoiced with me. Thank you for a joyful and serene 10th anniversary celebration in the midst of all of this. Thank you for all that we have learned together. Thank you for your promises.
The Lord and Savior for all of His compassion, comfort and 'tender mercies.'
