12.23.11
The line "In the Bleak Midwinter" would come to my mind immediately, as I had been practicing that song with our church's choir for our upcoming Christmas program. Here in Oregon we don't quite have a bleak midwinter, with snow falling on snow and a frosty wind. But we do have a season of darkness, where the days are shorter and the nights are longer; the leaves fall off of most of the trees. But to look out my back window every day and see this pink blossom brought a thought of summer to my heart of winter. A thought of hope and life in a time of darkness, and made me think of one of my favorite poems, written by French Existentialist philosopher and author Albert Camus after he suffered a deep loss:
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that…
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.
I have always felt the drive of optimism and an "invincible summer" pulling me through my deepest darkest winters. And right now, I need that more than ever. For some days it seems that I don't remember what the shinning sun looks like and it feels like I can't fathom the amount of days until I'll be warmed again. But I know that if a snapdragon can bloom in winter, Jesus can rise from the tomb, then my heart can hold onto an invincible summer.
I *miss* her today
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