The Wood Between the Worlds

I just wanted to get on here quick and say sorry for my post last night. Several nights of little sleep have caught up with me and it's been a little tough. But that's no excuse. I love my life, and I'm grateful. I'm excited to exercise for myself...so I can feel good and happy. Whether or not I get pregnant again. And as far as that subject goes, I promise I will be happy whatever happens. I told myself when I was pregnant with Milo that whether girl or boy, I would be happy. Even if I have 10 boys and no more girls, I refuse to grow old, sad and bitter.  I really hope we get another girl. I have all the faith and hope in the world that God could give us that blessing if it is His will. And we will pray about it, and follow His will. That's been my big lesson through all this...just learning to trust His plan for me. It's SO HARD to do. I like control. But I am slowly learning to let go...  And as for comparing myself to others...it is poison!  It only brings misery. That is another big lesson..one in which, admittedly I've been struggling with my whole life. I need to be happy as me, because that's what I have.  I have so many friends having girls right now. Several of them are having their first girl after many boys. A couple of them are having a girl after loosing a girl and then having a boy. I feel like I'm being bombarded with all these mini tests. I will not be jealous, I will NOT be jealous!  It's easy to feel happy for them, but hard to not be jealous too.
If you read this, thanks.