The Wood Between the Worlds

I just wanted to write a quick post to say thank you to everyone who left a comment on my blog entry 'defending home birth'.  Your support and love and kind remarks mean the world to me.  THIS is one of the reasons why I have been blogging since Elsa's death.  I am SO lifted by the support I receive from many wonderful friends, family members, and even strangers who give me new perspective and strength.

I also wanted to say that I believe in medical interventions when needed and I understand how life saving and compassionate they can be.  I truly believe there are situations where induction and c-sections are the best decision.  When women have medical situations that require this level of care, they are a Godsend.  Like I said before, I would have done any amount of medical intervention if I was in the situation to choose saving Elsa's life.  But that was not my choice to make.  And if Elsa's cause of death was something that had a great likely-hood of happening again, I would choose an early induction.  But it is not any more likely to happen to one of mine as it is to anyone else's.  It was a completely random fluke...and I can't live my life in fear and miss the beauty and joy that will come from another home birth.
 Speaking of Elsa, I just wanted to share an experience that I had today.  It has also been the lift I need right now.  As you can imagine, everywhere I go I see mamas with their baby girls.  I always think of Elsa and it saddens me greatly.  Almost every day I hear of a friend or an acquaintance and the safe arrival of their precious baby.  And I realize all the more that many babies don't die in this day and age.  It is a stark realization to me EVERY.single.time. I hear of a birth.  That my baby died for a reason...and I know for a surety that the reason is ALL she needed was a body and then she passed through to where she needed to be.  And I have often wondered why it had to be mine instead of someone else's (not that I would want anyone else to go through this...but), and it hit me strongly that I was chosen or I volunteered because I am strong enough to do this.  It is dang hard, but I am strong enough.  I will make it.  And if Elsa chose me for this, I am honored to be able to do it.  And I would rather have her in my family then not experience the heart ache that it has brought.  Someday it will only be joy.

And I will NOT give up faith or hope that I will have a live baby girl someday.  I have always deeply felt that I would have children of both genders.  And I know that I just have to wait...wait...
And I am so grateful that I am healthy and have easy pregnancies and births, as I know for many people this would be much more difficult.

And THIS baby boy is very wanted.  I am attached to him and can't wait for him to come.