Joshua made the decision to follow Jesus Christ and be baptized on April 10, 2010. We were all looking forward to this day! We had grandmas and granddads, and an auntie come into town... and finally the day came!
Joshua's big day!
These pictures were taken just before the baptism started.
As usual for us, things do not go as planned. Right when we were about to start the baptism, a lady came into the room and told us that she was sorry, but we were all going to have to evacuate the building because there was smoke coming from the Stake President's office. So we left and waiting outside, watched as several fire trucks arrived.
We waited and waited for the fire fighters to find the source of the smoke and give us the OK to go back in and proceed.
Several people from our group, waiting...
Joshua and Brent did NOT have time to change out of their baptismal clothing...but Brent did run in and grab shoes.
Toby anxiously watching the fire fighters climb onto the roof
Joshua and boys watching and waiting...
Starting to wonder if we were going to be able to go back in...
a bunch of adorable, waiting boys...
(Some are getting bored of watching)
After waiting for an hour and they still hadn't found the source of the smoke, the bishop gave us the option of having Joshua's baptism later that evening in another church building (in a town 20 miles south), or to wait until the next day...Sunday. We chose to have it later that evening since everyone was already out and ready for a baptism. And just when we were about to leave...the fire fighters FOUND the source of the smoke! It was a broken fan belt in the furnace.
So...we were able to go back in and proceed with the baptism. And it was LOVELY. And Joshua was SO happy as he said he was 'filled with joy'. He also said that he just knew Elsa was there watching...and I'm sure she was! This was so special because it is the beginning step for us to get our whole family together...so that after this life there will be "no empty chairs at our table".
Joshua, we are so proud of you! You have studied this decision and have chosen by yourself to take this step and follow Jesus.
President Ezra Taft Benson said "God intended the family to be eternal. With all my soul, I testify to the truth of that declaration. May he bless us to strengthen our homes and the lives of each family member so that in due time we can report to our Heavenly Father in His celestial home that we are all there--father, mother, sister, brother, all who hold each other dear. Each chair is filled. We are all back home."
Just a few pictures from our Utah trip that I missed:
from Little Mountain
we can't help missing these brown, snowy mountains
SNOWBALL FIGHT!
a simple pleasure...
We had fun doing these together on Saturday night.
Brent made an egg by many names...that is all the many names that Brent calls an egg by.
I made an Elsa egg-baby and an official Easter egg.
We didn't have much going on Sunday...the Easter Bunny brought some snacks for the boys to eat during
General Conference...no candy, as they had enough from the Harry Potter Party. It was great. It really was the best, most simple Easter ever. Never in my life has Easter meant so much to me.
HOPE
LIFE
A new beginning
tears of JOY
Elsa
General Conference (our church broadcasts instruction from our leaders twice a year): It seemed like every. single. talk. was meant just for me. Talk after talk were about death, the resurrection, parenting, children, love. I have uploaded the podcasts to my ipod, and I can't wait to listen to them all over and over.
The culmination of conference for me, was the
Sunday morning talk by President Thomas S. Monson. For days and weeks before this, I have been greatly troubled by my feelings of missing Elsa...and looking for peace, comfort and answers to some personal questions through prayer. Hearing this talk did not help me to NOT miss Elsa less...BUT, if I ever had a doubt in my mind in Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Plan of Salvation, and my church...more specifically the prophetic abilities of our Prophet. especially pertaining to me. little. old. me. Just one person out of billions in this earth. Each of us suffering our own trials to one extent or another. There is no doubt to me now. And I am willing to let you all know. That even though it is hard, I am willing to trust. I have to trust. All of this is so real. I just HAVE to let you know.
This scripture keeps coming to my mind over and over:
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace
I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
I know it is for me now...but it takes work. Daily work...to feel that peace and have that trust.
Yep...he went and did it. He turned 8 years old, despite me really wanting to freeze time and not allow my kids to grow up. Our oldest boy had a BIG birthday. And we tried to make it a fun one!
We had a little party with some of his closest buddies. It was a Harry Potter party.
First, we brought all the boys into "Honeydukes Sweet Shoppe" to sample some treats:
We had chocolate frogs and Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. The boys had a ton of fun sampling the crazy flavors of Bertie Bott's (which are like jelly bellies, but in odd flavors like gravy, grass, liver, vomit, etc...). They took turns tasting a jelly bean and then guessing which flavor it was. I tried a gravy one and I must say: EEEEEWWWW!
The next thing we did was a potions class. 'Professor Snape' came and helped the boys mix up a potion with petrified dinosaur bones (sugar), cobra venom (lemon juice) and Himalayan Dragon Scales (fizzy fruit drink tablets). It was a delicious fruit punch with a fizz!
"Professor Snape"
Next professor snape mixed up some "slug slime" for the boys to play with:
We used the
recipe for 'flubber,' which is elmer's glue mixed with water and borax mixed with water. When you pour it together, it instantly gels and makes this wiggly gross substance that young boys love to play with. Caution: the borax is toxic, so it is not recommended for younger children.
Next we had a 'dragon egg' hunt in the front yard...the grounds keep Hagrid needed the boys to help clean up a bunch of dragon eggs that were laid on school grounds. They were golden chocolate eggs. (Yeah, we realized that we did a little too much candy!!!)
Finally after cake, ice cream and presents, we award each young wizard their own light up Harry Potter wand. Fun was had by all!
Joshua's 'cake" was a giant chocolate chip cookie...as requested by the birthday boy. It was a 'giant' success...hahaha!
Happy, fun day!
I just wanted to do a quick post to say how excited I am to be half way done with this pregnancy! Even though grieving has been tough lately, I am so excited for this baby to come!! I just wish that it was sooner... I feel like I've already been waiting forever...which I have. But I keep finding really fun fabric to make some baby blankies. All of my older ones are pretty worn and outdated. So that should keep me busy sewing for the next few months.
Now if you didn't notice a few weeks ago, we found out that we're having a boy. It has been a tough and confusing time since then because I really wanted another girl...everyone is different in their grief, and I felt that a girl would help me to heal. BUT...after a few weeks of getting used to the idea that a girl won't be part of our family yet I am now getting quite EXCITED to have another boy. I like that Elsa will always have her separate and special place in our family...as my
friend who has been through something similar has pointed out. And I am not the kind of girl who wanted a house full of girls...nope. I would much rather have a house full of boys than a house full of girls. I have always wanted boys more than girls...because I grew up in a house full of girls, and no offense to my mom and sisters because I love them all now...but girls are drama and hormones and complications. And Brent and I do boys really well! That's not to say that I don't ever want a girl...1 would be nice. But if I don't ever have another one, I know life will still be good. In fact, I am kind of starting to think that I want to have another boy pretty quick after this little boy...so they can be buddies and share a room. I LOVE that Joshua and Toby have that with each other, and I would want that for this baby too. Brent and I have never decided how many kids we want to have...so, who knows? We kind of take it one at a time. And after loosing Elsa, I am feeling like I want a whole house full! And our boys are so good and sweet...and I am healthy and strong...
Well, anyway...here's to a great 20 more weeks of gestation!
The day before we left for Utah, I emailed the people at the cemetery and asked if it would be possible to have Elsa's grave marker set for us sometime while we would be there so we could go and see it. They were able to have it set the day that we were traveling. It was really nice to head to her little spot and see the marker there.
I'm not completely satisfied with it though...
Part of me just wants to let it be and call it done, but I think that they goofed a little bit and I should ask them to fix it. The center of the marker where the words are has a polished finish and the border has a sanded finish. No big deal, right? But when we were looking at all the other markers they were the opposite. The other markers are much easier to read, with the words on the sanded finish.
We went to the backyard bird shop to find some treasures to leave with her. Toby picked out the bee windmill. I picked up the bird rain gage. I really like it, even though it's a goldfinch and not a meadowlark. I thought it would be cute for the boys to put little flowers in the rain holder every time we visit. But alas...I know that the grounds people will take these down. I understand why they have to, but still it's sad. So...we left the bee up, and we hid the little bird deep in the bush behind her grave. Sneaky, I know...but it makes me feel happy to know that little birdie is peeking through the bush at her all the time. And when we visit, we will pull it out to put flowers in...and then put it back sometime before we leave.
It's much more fun for the boys to visit now that there's a marker...and they LOVED being able to leave something special for her. (And NO, we did NOT pick out a bird and a bee on purpose :-).
Another fun thing was that I got to meet in person another angel mama that I've corresponded with over the internet for the past several months. This is
Amy, and her daughter
Lexi (whom she also lost in 2009) is buried within a stone's throw of Elsa's grave. We met up at the cemetery and then went out for lunch. Amy is also pregnant again.
(Please, oh pretty please excuse the hideous picture of me!)
All of this was good and fine.
But I am still hurting. every. day.
And I'm wondering when all of this will ever be over.
I say no more.
Post Script: (don't worry I finally signed up for counseling...)
Today is the 8th birthday of my oldest baby!
He was definitely born the size of a baby horse...
9 pounds, 14 ounces and 23 inches long (that's almost 2 feet!)
That's why he looks all squashed and swollen.
The day started early...whilst I was laboring away at the American Fork, Utah Hospital at midnight. I labored through the night with the support of dear Brent and my sweet, very capable midwife Sarah. It was a surreal dream come true to embrace my inner strength and give birth to Joshua the way I wanted...without a catheter in my spine (to each their own...but as for me, needles in the spine freak me out). The whole pregnancy, labor and keeping him safe and alive through his toddler years has been hard work, but definitely do-able. And the consequence of all the effort has been ABSOLUTELY amazing:
It's been a journey complete with all the highest highs and some low lows with Joshua. But the incredible traits this child has are really shinning through. There are many things that I love about Joshua. He is silly and loves to make people happy and laugh. He is smart and wise and he continually seeks and hungers after knowledge. He is sweet and kind and would not hurt anyone on purpose. He is penitent and forgiving; quick to recognize his wrong and fix it...and even quicker to forgive those who offend him. He is brave and strong. Against many odds, he has triumphed and continues to triumph over his sensory integration disabilities and other weaknesses, with great determination and discipline. He is one kid who considers his testimony of Christ and has decided to be His follower with all of his heart.
I am so grateful to know him and to learn so much from him. I am privileged to have the opportunity to serve and love him.
