The Wood Between the Worlds

It is odd how time undulates at an uneven pace.  I looked at my calendar and realized that today is Elsa's 6 month birthday.  Wow!  Where did the time go?  How have I survived 6 months and actually felt ok for several of those?  At the same time...really?  6 months?  It sometimes feels like it's been years, or like it never even really happened...kind of weird; in a dreamlike way.  On the other hand, I am half-way through this crazy year!  That is: the time from Elsa's birth to this next baby's birth.  What a year...I'll breathe again once it's over.  So, I am now most officially in my second trimester!  And I am feeling better.  I am no longer tired all.  the.  time.  And nausea?  What's that?  I can't remember.  YAY!

At the same time, whoa...I realized on Sunday, and almost every day that my heart still really hurts.  I was sitting in Stake Conference (a very large church meeting with many people I don't know), and there were many parents with baby girls around me.  I just wanted to stand up and yell "YOU ARE SO LUCKY!!!!"  I have realized that almost every picture or blog or person I run into with a baby girl really makes my heart hurt from missing my girl.  I thought that maybe this hurt would lessen with time...but I have come to realize that it doesn't go away.  It just becomes a part of who I am and something that I have to learn to deal with in a constructive way.

6 months Toby:


















6 months?  REallY?  I mean, sitting up and everything?  I can't believe that my baby would be this old.  I'm glad that I still have these six months with Elsa in the future.