Because Oliver's birth was so fast and furious {I believe I used the words "like a train plowing through me"}, I developed an irrational fear of birth which lasted throughout Milo's pregnancy. Not that birth isn't something to be feared or better yet, respected...because it is a powerful event in the continuum of a woman's life. But I say irrational because I had already given birth without an epidural 4 times before this, and obviously knew I could do it again. I just really didn't want to. I also had this idea that because my last two babies came around 38 weeks, that this baby would also *most likely* come early.
I have this app on my ipod called "Contraction Timer". It is thanks to this app that I can look back and accurately recall how many times I *thought* I might be going into labor with this baby (and these are just the contractions that hung around long enough for me to dare to start recording them). Here is a brief timeline:
June 9- (37 weeks) we moved...MAJOR.
June 13- several hours of strong contractions in the morning, fizzed out before I got out of bed.
June 19- (38 weeks) contractions in the middle of the night.
June 20 (the day before Toby's birthday...it turns out he did NOT want this baby to come on his birthday) - we finished cleaning our old house, and drove across town to turn in the keys. I thought for sure that once we got past this deadline that I would go right into labor. Before we even left I was having contractions that felt like early labor, so I packed all my stuff for the birth center just in case. We turned in the keys, and decided to go out to dinner for Toby's birthday at the Old Spaghetti Factory. In the car I was working with some serious contractions. We got stuck in rush hour traffic, but were very close to one of the birth centers (not the one I was planning on birthing at...but plans could easily change). We got to the restaurant with the hope that my labor would pick up strong after dinner, and we could just drive straight to the birth center and put the kids to bed in the next room while I gave birth. Well by the time dinner was over, so were the contractions...
Did I mention that I was scared? By this point I was definitely ready for it to happen, but I had not done any preparation for this birth. Normally I prepare by reading some good birth stories from one of Ina May Gaskin's famous books. But when I thought about reading birth stories, it reminded me how scared I was that it was going to be too intense again. Finally, I started into my copy of Spiritual Midwifery, and it did not disappoint. I remembered that I needed to find a way to relax. My contractions only come on hard when I'm resting and nice and relaxed. All the strenuous work I had been and was continuing to do were making me too uptight. I had Brent give me a blessing, which was beautiful and reassuring. I downloaded a free hypnobabies relaxation mp3. All of these things helped. But most of all I prayed. I prayed that I would be brave. I prayed that this labor would be nice and easy and not so intense (like my dream, right?). I envisioned it.
June 26- (39 weeks, and Brent's last of 5 available days to be there) Contractions all afternoon and evening, til they died out. I felt like I was trying to force labor to happen on a day that Brent was home so I wouldn't end up stuck in hard labor by myself at home. I was not quite sure how the logistics of this birth were going to work out. The plan was, if Brent was home and it was during the day, we would meet my midwife at the birth center. If Brent was gone at work and my labor wasn't too hard yet, I was going to try to drive myself and the kids to the birth center and call my sister to come sit with the kids (or pick them up if it was taking longer than expected). The only problem with that plan is that once I know for sure I'm in labor, my contractions would be hard...probably too hard to drive. But if I couldn't drive myself, or it was night and the kids were already in bed, we were planning on having the baby at home. I really did NOT want to have the baby at home this time. I didn't feel like I had a good space to set up the birth tub. Then my sister called and told me she was sick. Dang! There went that plan. Then Brent told me that the hose adapter for our bathroom faucet (to fill the birth tub) was not the same size as the faucet in our new house. Dang again! So Brent and I had a regrouping session. We decided that we would go to the birth center no matter what. And since I didn't feel like we had time to call someone to come sit with our kids, we were going to take them with us...day or night.
July 1- (40 weeks, and the first time I made it to my due date since my first baby) It was Sunday and the night before we were hanging out with our friends down on C'est Naturelle Farm talking about essential oils and tasting some of their pastured pork. My friend Vernie came over to give me a massage. She claimed that her record of putting pregnant women into labor was 2 for 2. It was the most relaxed I've probably been during my whole pregnancy. I went home that night and went to bed, only to wake up to contractions at 4 am. I continued to have contractions until 7, when I got up to make breakfast for the family and get ready for church. I can tell that labor is going to stick if I switch activities and the contractions keep coming. They unfortunately did NOT. I threw myself on my bed in frustration, wondering if this was ever going to happen...trying NOT to imagine how big my baby must be getting by now (the bigger the baby, the more painful the birth right?). So we went to church (where I got lots of comments about still not having the baby, sigh!), came home, hang out, nothing happened...so we put the kids to bed and Brent goes to bed, but I'm having contractions again. And every time my contractions started up at night in the past couple of weeks, I just went to sleep. I was too tired from all the moving, cleaning and unpacking to have a baby each of those nights. Plus I didn't want to have the baby at home. But I finally realized that if I wanted to have this baby, it was going to have to be at night. So I decided to stay awake and work with the contractions.
At midnight on July 2, I was lying in bed checking pinterest and facebook on my ipod. My contractions were getting harder, but they were still 20 minutes apart. Still, I have learned that my contractions aren't always close together. I remember with Elsa's labor they stayed 10 minutes apart the whole time. And that the intensity of the contractions is more telling than the time between them. I was not scared of this part of labor. I actually enjoy working with the contractions...getting to a state of tranquility, deep breathing and total relaxation. I was scared of getting to the part where you have to push that baby out. Anyway, at 12:40 I had a very intense contraction that lasted for two and a half minutes. It left me shaking. But I did NOT want to wake everyone up and call my midwife at this hour if this was going to stop again. On the other hand, I did not want to have a baby at home with no midwife! So I decided that I would wait and see if my next contraction was that hard or even harder, I would wake everyone up and we would go. So at 1 am, I had a contraction that fell under the category of "even harder". I woke Brent up and told him we better go. I called my midwife, who was still awake doing payroll (ha!). I messaged my friend Tara, who was planning to come and do pictures again...but I just didn't have the heart to call her and wake her up! She was due with her baby #5 too, and had been having weeks of on again, off again contractions just like me...and could be going into labor any time! We were hoping that I'd have my baby during the day again so she wouldn't have to loose any sleep...but as it was she would've lost the whole night of sleep (and she ended up having her baby the next day, so I'm glad I didn't call her). Brent grabbed all the kids out of bed and put them in the car, while I rounded up all the rest of the stuff I wanted to bring to the birth center.
We got to the birth center at about 1:30 am. I had 1-2 contractions in the car (which I was dreading...I can't relax as well with all the jerking and bumping...another reason why I chose home birth with my others), but these contractions weren't as hard. The apprentice (Bernadette) got there about 5 minutes after us, and my midwife (Jennifer) got there shortly thereafter. And surprise! My other midwife (Jesica) arrived right after Jennifer. I didn't think Jesica was going to make it to this birth since she had the month of June off (and I was SURE I was going to have the baby in June, haha!).
We took the kids upstairs and plopped them in the bed in the room next to the room I was planning on giving birth in. The whole transporting of the kids was a lot smoother and easier than I thought it was going to be. However, by this time, they were wired, excited and were NOT going back to sleep! Especially Ollie, who is used sleeping in a crib. Thankfully, they stayed in the dark room and were relatively quiet.
Jennifer went in to my birth room and filled up the tub...I eyed it suspiciously, still not sure if I was ready to get in and push. After getting in the tub with my last three births, that's where things got intense! So I wandered around the room, talking to my midwives who by now are old friends. I tried laying down on the bed between contractions, but that was pretty uncomfortable.
The last pregnant pictures of me
(so sad that I don't have professional pictures from Tara...but so happy that she got a full night's sleep before she had her baby)
My contractions were getting closer together, but still not as intense as the ones I was having at home...I was intentionally dragging this labor out as long as I could, in hopes that it would not be as intense as Oliver's. Finally, I decided that we needed to get on with it...the contractions were taking all of my concentration with their intensity...so I worked my way over to the tub.
I had another really intense contraction while I was trying to get in (while midwife Jesica looks on). Yep. Definitely time.
Here I am between contractions.
It was strange how at 2-3 in the morning I was so awake and talkative.
I did not feel like I was in labor at all...
until another contraction came on:
This picture is the perfect example of how I spent my labor during contractions...eyes closed, muscles relaxed, head bend and blowing downward.
I told everyone that after I get in the tub, I usually have two intense contractions...then I feel the urge to push. Jesica told me that she thinks I should have more than two contractions in the tub this time. She is sitting on the ground next to the tub, knitting and waiting. Brent is doing a great job taking pictures, and he actually got a video this time! Yay! Jennifer is sitting on a chair across from the tub, going in and out of a light sleep. Bernadette is sitting to my left, sipping her tea. It was lovely and peaceful. Every now and then, the boys make some noise in the next room. Brent goes in about every 5 minutes to tell them to be quiet. Since they were in another room, it didn't bother me very much (until they started singing the Phineas and Ferb theme song...but Brent got them to quiet back down really quick!).
So I have my two contractions...and...no pushing! Yep, this birth is definitely slower! I had a third, and a fourth and a fifth. I lost count of how many contractions I had in the tub, but I was probably laboring in there for an hour...maybe a little less. My midwives were right! It is comfortable and relaxing to labor in the tub! Ha! While my contractions were intense, I could definitely handle them (no train plowing through me). And between contractions I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I started getting to the point where I felt like I *could* be pushing, but not an uncontrollable urge to push. I decided that I was going to breathe this baby down instead of pushing. That way it would be much slower and less intense/uncomfortable. With my other births, as soon as I start pushing hard my water breaks...and that's when things start to get painful! So my thought was, if I breathe down instead, I could prevent my water from breaking and it won't be painful. As I was doing this "breathing down," I was so attuned with what was going on...I could actually feel the baby's head position shift from inside my cervix to out. I could feel the head transitioning to the birth canal, and moving lower with each contraction. The baby continued to have great heart tones, and would wiggle like crazy every time the midwives put the doppler on my belly (he didn't like the doppler, I'm guessing). I was beginning to wonder if the the baby would be born in the caul, without the water breaking...and wondering what that would be like, when the contractions picked up in intensity. At this point I could no longer breathe down...I had to bear down. At first I pushed really gentle. It still did not hurt at all. I pushed like that a few times and then...uh-oh! My water broke!! I told my midwives...and then things started to get cRaZy!!! It was really, very amazing how quickly the birth went from being completely not painful to feeling so intense like a train was plowing through me! I started pushing really hard so I could get that baby the heck out of me! Jesica quickly moved over to my left and grabbed my hand so I could have some leverage, and an outlet for the intensity. One of the midwives (don't remember which one) told me that they could see the head. After that contraction was over, I was very surprised that the intensity subsided quite a bit and I was no longer in pain. I wanted to see just how low the head was and how much longer I had to go, so I felt for baby's head...and sure enough we were really close to being done. This made me very happy and I proclaimed such, and made the midwives laugh. With the next contraction I pushed hard and kept my hand down there, as my one wish through my last three births was to catch my own baby...but with both Elsa and Ollie I couldn't get myself to do it. With Elsa I was scared about how she was going to come out, and I lost the desire to catch her...I asked my midwife to do it for me. It was also too intense that I couldn't let go of the handles on the tub. With Ollie it was just too intense to let go also. But with this little babe, I kept my leverage on Jesica's hand and eased my baby's head out with the other hand. I slowed way down when the head was crowning, and relaxed everything...allowing my perineum time to stretch around baby's head. Then before I knew it I was holding baby's head in my hand and pushing baby's body out. I love the relief and joy that floods your soul the moment the whole baby is out...and it was amplified by a million because I was the first person to touch my baby's body. I pulled baby up and just marveled in a sensation that I'll only be able to experience a handful of times in this mortality. Then I remembered to check on the gender...yep! Definitely a boy! This is not the fulfillment of the dream I had before I got pregnant...but definitely amazing in a lot of other ways. The next thing I realized was that this had been my easiest birth EVER! My prayer was answered in a most merciful way. Yeah, after the water broke it was just as intense as Ollie's birth...but it was ever so quick! I was thinking maybe 4 minutes...and sure enough my midwives said it was 3 minutes from the time I started to bear down-push until his head was born, and 4 minutes until his whole body was born. This made me think that baby was smallish...like maybe in the high 8 lb, low 9 lb range (small for me!). I looked at him and said "he's tiny!" And really, in comparison to my big toddler Oliver he was tiny! But my midwives laughed and said "um...no he's not!"
Big boy, all covered in vernix!
It was really surprising that he was all covered in vernix at 40 weeks!
Birth time: 3:42 am.
Another funny thing about him was that his ears were all scrunched up!
At this point, it seemed like the boys were exploding with suspense in the next room, so I gave the ok for them to come on in. Since I was in the water and it was dark, they couldn't see anything.
Ollie made quick friends with Jesica!
and he had a great time looking at the new baby in the bath!
Toby and Joshua joined the fun and admired the baby until it was time to get that placenta out.
(Jennifer in the background there).
Then I had them leave the room until after the placenta was out. They came back in and watched Jennifer examine the placenta. Wow! It was their first time seeing a bloody organ, and at first they were grossed out...but quickly became fascinated as Jennifer and I explained what the placenta does for the baby, and Jennifer showed them where the baby lives inside the bag of water. She showed them the two holes where the water broke to allow the baby to come out. Best education ever!
The most shocking moment of the night (for me) was when they finally put baby on the scale. UM....excuse me??? Did you say he weighs 10 lbs, 12 oz???!! Huh?? HUH??!
I couldn't believe that he was almost a whole pound bigger than Joshua, who was my biggest baby before at 9 lbs, 14 oz. CRAZY! And it was my EASIEST birth! By far! It blasted the notion that bigger babies are always harder to birth...right out to Timbuktu! This little guy was also 23 inches though...and really was a long, slender baby...not much fat on him at all. Big babies run in my husband's family (Brent weighed in at 12.5 pounds as a newborn). I guess it's a good thing that he didn't end up marrying some waif of a girl, huh? I often wonder if he was attracted to me because he knew subconsciously that he'd need a sturdy wife to birth his huge babies! Haha!
Ollie soon lost interest and wandered out to the waiting room to play with the toys
Bernadette made us all protein shakes...yum! yum!
And by this point it was almost 5 am, and we were all exhausted. It was obvious that Oliver wasn't going to sleep at the birth center, so Brent took the boys back home where they slept til 11. I got tucked into bed with sweet baby at the birth center and slept for a couple of hours.
I woke up around 7:30, just too wired to sleep...and sent out an email announcement, and a message to my friend Tara...an explanation why I did not call her! She made arrangements to come right over and take a few professional photographs that morning, for which I am very grateful!
I love that picture of baby and I, though I wish my hair weren't a manky mess!
Oh well...what can you do when you've been up all night birthing?!
His round little face looked different from the rest of my boys, and I realized later that it really reminds me of Elsa's face (just a little more boyish looking)!
After Tara left I was able to order some Middle Eastern food for my crew, and Brent brought them over again for lunch...and of course, to admire the new baby some more and get the chance to hold him.
little toes
OH my goodness! I can't believe these are all mine! And we're even missing one!
When did this happen? I still feel like a young mother of two small boys.
this had to be the sweetest brotherly moment of the day:
Toby and baby were talking to each other, and baby was telling stories!
Such a round head and face! Did I mention that he had a 15 inch head, which my midwife said was also very large! Wowsa!
After a beautiful spread of filial, hummus, chicken schwarma, tabbouleh, and the works for lunch, followed by chocolate birthday cake which Tara brought in...Brent took the kids off to play at the science museum, so I could get some more rest. The birth center called in a massage for me, which I thoroughly enjoyed. And then the boys came back and we had Thai food for dinner! It was the perfect day! I LOVED having the baby at the birth center!! As much as a home birth is convenient, the birth center is lovely, lovely! Brent and I could not get over how great the logistics worked out...after all the worrying we did about that!
After all that we packed up our new little one with all the others and headed
home for a restful night sleep in our own beds. We all crashed hard and slept for hours. Even baby slept the whole night...which was great because I really needed it!
We spent the whole week at home together, loving this little guy...and trying to decide on a name for him! That story will come in the next post, though. That day and week will always be an incredible time for our family. Brent was amazing, and so were all the kids...we definitely had heaven in our home and know that Elsa was right there with us.
Last of all, I wanted to add this little picture of sweet Bernadette, the apprentice.
a lovelier apprentice could not be found throughout all the land.
10 comments:
Beautiful. I'm so glad that this birth was just what you needed it to be. I feel the same way about mine, though it was in a completely different way! I'm bummed out that I didn't get to be there. But am also grateful that I got some sleep that night because I really did need it. And I have to agree that Bernadette was such a lovely apprentice, love her!!
This almost makes me brave enough for another one. But not quite : ) My second was born in caul at a wonderful birthing center, so reading this brought back memories. Beautiful family and birth story Kate!!
What a beautiful birth, beautiful mom, and beautiful baby!
Beautiful birth Story Kate and congratulations!
A very beautiful birth story for a very beautiful family.
Wow. I am sort of speechless - and grateful that you took the time to record the details of your wonderful birth. You are such a beautiful person with a beautiful family. Happy happy! And I love Milo's name. :)
Lol! Speechless in a good way or speechless in a not so good way? ;)
So thrilled it went so well. Thanks for sharing.
What a great birth story! I especially loved (and laughed really hard) when you said you thought Brent was attracted to you because he thought you'd be a good wife to birth his huge babies! Sooooooo funny! Wow, reading birth stories makes me want another baby so so much! I'm so glad everything went smoothly. I can't wait to meet little Milo in person!
Congrats!! So beautiful and amazing. I really love the picture of you and your 4 boys It is so priceless. What an accomplishment!!