October, 19 2012
With rain in the forecast, we decided that Friday would be our museum day. We had 4 museums on our agenda to see in New York City: The Guggenheim, The Metropolitan Museum of Art (The Met), The Modern Museum of Art (MOMA), and the Nation Museum of Natural History. These four museums were included with our
City Pass, which we purchased for $89 each, and also included the Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island, and the Empire State Building Observatory. Totally worth it!
It was a little hard to get up as early as we wanted to Friday morning because it was still 3 hours earlier than our time zone, and we were still pretty tired from our red eye flight...so we got a little later start to the day than we wanted...but I was EXTREMELY excited when we finally made it to the Guggenheim! The Guggenheim Museum has been very first on my list ever since I was a senior in high school and checked out a book of the works at the Guggenheim from the library. I've wanted to go there since I was 18, and finally getting there felt like Disneyland
used to feel like to me when I was a kid.
I found out pretty quickly from a security guard that photography was not allowed inside the art galleries, so that's sad since I really wanted to document this experience. But the building by itself is a work of art. An architectural masterpiece by Frank Lloyd Wright. The building is a giant spiral ramp with the art and galleries off of the ramp. It was amazing, inside and out. I enjoyed seeing the Picasso Matisse, Gauguin, Kandinsky, and all the great artists I learned about in art and humanities classes.
Inside the Guggenheim, looking out the window to the trees in Central Park.
After taking this panoramic picture of some of the building levels from the very top, I was told I better stop taking pictures again! Sorry! You can't see any of the art in any of my pictures!
Leaving the G with my sis.
After the Guggenheim we walked through the edge of Central Park on the way to The Met.
The trees were just starting to turn. The weather the entire time we were there was very warm...in the low 60's. New York City is a beautiful city, with a lot of green park space. The two pictures of the water on the right are the Central Park Reservoir The two bubble pictures on the left were the first time I saw someone "creative panhandling". I never saw anyone just asking for money in NYC. They were always doing a performance or a trick of some kind, and if you wanted to take a picture of it you should give them a dollar.
In Central Park, near the Metropolitan Museum of Art, there is this obelisk called Cleopatra's Needle. It was a gift to the City of New York from Egypt. We sat down and had a breastfeeding and diaper changing session, as the rain had gone away and the weather was very pleasant.
normalizing breastfeeding around NYC!
We walked past this children's park on the way to The Met, and wanted to take a picture of it to show our kids. This is how the children's parks all look in NYC. They are fenced in, and have signs that say no adults or teenagers allowed, unless accompanying a child.
The Met.
The BIGGEST museum I have ever been through. I can imagine the Louvre in France is about the same size, but I wouldn't know since I didn't actually go through the Louvre. I know! What a travesty that I was in France and didn't go to the Louvre! It would take DAYS to see everything in this museum. We really should have left more time to see it. It is A LOT more than just paintings. It is artifacts from all over the world! It was fascinating!!
Here we are, about to go in...with the Met buttons on our collars.
The inside of the Met.
Some of the most interesting things we saw in the Met (we were allowed to take non-flash photography in most of the galleries...all of the galleries except the Bernini sculptures):
A Tiffany stained glass window. They had several Tiffany windows, and I thought they were all stunning!
I loved the expression of this mama and baby!
We spent the most time in the Egypt exhibit. It was INCREDIBLE! These statues, buildings, artifacts, mummies, and panels were all brought from Egypt.
But in retrospect, we should have hurried along so we wouldn't run out of time before seeing China!
My sister and brother-in-law were a big help with Milo! And I think they loved it.
We quickly strolled through the European paintings...and saw lots of lovely ones. The left, on the bottom is Bruegel. I love this painting. He is painting commoners at a time when most paintings were commissioned to paint the elite. I love that. The pics on the top left and just to the right of the big painting are details from the big painting. The other two painting are two Rubens. Brent and I both really liked the one on the right, bottom. It's called the Glorification of the Eucharist. The top right is detail from the painting, in which Jesus is crushing a skeleton and a snake, representing death and sin. It was interesting looking through our pictures afterward. Brent and I both had a camera, and we ended up taking pictures of almost the exact same paintings. Hehe!
The Persian Gallery was perhaps the most interesting because I love the art and I really think it's a time and part of the world that gets skimmed over in History class. The top left statues remind me of the Neverending Story, no? Don't they look like they're about to shoot lasers out of their eyes? And the picture on the top right is cuneiform, one of the earliest known forms of writting.
I LOVED these lions! Favorite!
After spending all day at museums, it was very late, and we were very hungry. We powered through the whole day without eating any meals, just so we could see as much as possible. So we walked around and found a Persian restaurant, which was AHH...SO delicious!! We were trying all kind of foods that we have never tried before, and that was SO fun. The ultimate end of the day was the rose ice cream we ordered for dessert. OK! Seriously SO YUMMY! If you ever get the chance to eat rose ice cream, DO IT!
This is us on the bus, finally on the way home. We were SO tired, and my eyes were hurting me...I think I was starting to get conjunctivitis! Crap! I went home and squirted some breast milk from Milo's bottle in my eyes and went to sleep...and in the morning, ALL BETTER!
It seriously sounds weird, but it works! Just FYI.
*I started this blog post weeks ago, but never had time to finish it...and wasn't really sure I was going to until today. I had been having the desire to lighten up the blog a little, as it's been heavy with my thoughts lately, and I was worried that my friends and family have not been enjoying that. But today as I was trying so hard to get the computer to upload my pictures from day 2 of our New York trip...they just wouldn't upload...they still have not (something is seriously wrong with our internet). So I took that as my nudge to finish this post instead. I know it is what I needed to write today.
NEWSFLASH: I have changed positions since I wrote this blog entry, two years ago: {i need a girl}.
Immediately after we lost Elsa, I
knew we were going to have another girl. I pictured in my mind exactly how beautiful our story would be in the end...mother looses daughter, mother grieves honorably, mother puts all her trust in God, and finally mother gives birth to another healthy, living daughter. Perfect. Everyone in the land rejoices. And they live happily ever after.
Perfect, in my eyes...but as we soon come to learn, that is NOT how the Lord's timetable for our lives will proceed. And I knew it even before Elsa was gone, that we were having another boy. I prayed, I pleaded, and I bargained for another girl first. I promised we WOULD have another baby boy if He wanted us to, if He would send another girl first. I THOUGHT it was what I NEEDED to help me heal.
Before we were pregnant with Oliver, I had this perfect, peaceful feeling that God was sending us a boy and that he was going to be wonderful. We were going to love him so much, and he would be everything that we needed. As the pregnancy commenced and proceeded, I pushed away those feelings and convince myself that of course God would send us another girl.
It took a while after we had Oliver to be happy with him. I'll be honest there, but once I did wonderful love entered into my life. And then I thought "if I start praying now, surely my next baby will be a girl." So I would pray and ask for a girl every morning and every night. And then I would ask if He was going to send me a girl. I always get the answer "yes". But then I would ask if my
next baby would be a girl {because heavens knows I am impatient and have already waited through two pregnancies for a girl when I
thought I was already getting one...I can't wait anymore!}. But my answer always felt like boy next, boy next. I had a hard time accepting that and would push that feeling away and only dwell on the good feeling I got when I prayed about a girl. {Enter Milo, whom we adore. It only took one instant for me to be happy with him-it was the instant I caught him in the birth tub.}
Truly I have wearied the Lord with all of my prayers on this subject. I had heard of other women praying for the gender they wanted, and then getting it...and I thought if it worked for them, it should work for me. But the thing I didn't get was that the Lord knows each of us, sees the big picture and knows exactly what we need. But everywhere I look, the spirit is teaching me to "ask, and ye shall receive." And I believe that with all of my heart. So I continue to pray. I had this experience a couple of months ago where I was asking the Lord if I was going to have a girl, or if we could expect to have all boys...when suddenly I received a different answer than before. The spirit told me that we would have all boys until we get Elsa back. I fought that answer in my heart. NO! How could that be! But then something changed within me: after only a few moments, I
accepted that answer. Ok. We will have another baby and it will be another boy...if that's what we need to do, that's what we'll do. And we
will be happy. For quite a few years I have felt a fraction of what Mary, the mother of Jesus must have felt: I have willingly become a vessel for the children God wants me to have, no matter the cost to my heart. "Be it unto me, according to thy will."
As soon as I accepted that answer, almost immediately I felt a burning in my chest that we
would have another girl, and that previous answer was just a test to see if I could let go of my will and trust the Lord. Wow! So now I feel like I'm setting myself up for a win-win situation on my next baby because if I get a girl, great! But if I get another boy, I know with all of my being that it will be the Lord's will and we WILL love it. Before I went to Oliver's ultrasound, I remember telling someone the line from Elder Wirthin's talk a few years back "come what may, and love it." I said it, but I had no idea that I didn't really mean it. But
now I mean it. I really do.
Just about a few weeks after this experience we watched general conference. There were several amazing talks that caught my attention, which I already wrote about...but one talk I didn't write about was President Henry B. Eyring's "
Where is the Pavilion". This talk was like a follow up message from the Lord to me, about the above experience...reinforcing that yes, I had created a pavilion between the Lord and I by fighting His answers previously. But by accepting them, I was removing the pavilion giving me direct access to God. President Eyring's daughter in law removed the pavilion by finally giving up her desire to have another baby, and leaving it in the Lord's hands. I removed the pavilion by accepting,
truly accepting the baby that God needs us to have.
Then, if that weren't enough, last Sunday a friend on Facebook posted a link to a blog by CJane (which I have never read before) about her
experience with infertility. It was amazing how it corresponded with the experience that I have had. Even though I have never had fertility issues, I could relate to exactly what she was saying. It's like I've had girl fertility and girl loss problems. I don't mean to mock anyone who has gone through fertility problems, because I only gained a glimpse of what that must be like when Elsa died and I had to wait another frustrating year without a baby. But when CJane shared that although she experienced 5 years of infertility, she always knew she would conceive a baby, AND
before she conceived she was finally able to be happy and to accept her life. Wow. I GET that.
Ok, one more thought...I'm sorry if this post is perfectly boring. It is helping me so much to get all my thoughts out. Today I stayed home from church with two sick babies. I wanted to review last month's conference talks during church time, but my toddler just wouldn't have that! He was grouching at me for doing anything that didn't include paying attention to him. So we decided to pick out a living scriptures dvd to watch together instead...cuddled on the couch. That was acceptable to him. First we watched The Lord's Prayer, and the spirit cemented my earlier thought in this post about prayer...that you can never pray too much for something you are asking the Lord for. I won't give up until I die. But the second movie we watched was I think The Signs of the Times, and it was about the last days of the Savior before His sacrifice.
I saw that story in a new way today:
The Jewish people were in bondage to the overbearing Roman Empire. They were hoping for a miracle, a Messiah to deliver them. Even the apostles just a few days before the crucifixion were wondering when He was going to pronounce himself King, and deliver them from the Romans. And
truly that was what they needed!
Truly that was not a wrong thing for them to desire. They believed that He was the Son of God, and the Messiah, and that He could perform miracles. Then the next thing they knew, He allowed Himself to be taken and crucified. It must have felt like a punch in the gut to them. But they could not see the
whole picture. They could not see that IF He threw down the Romans and was not crucified, all mankind would be lost forever. They could not see what a HUGE frustration to the plan of salvation it would have been, if He had given them the temporal deliverance from their earthly bondage.
Likewise, I know that when my prayers were not answered like I thought they were going to be, and when I did not receive the
good things that I so greatly desired and prayed so hard for...I know there is a bigger picture. I MUCH bigger picture, that I cannot fully see. I know that God has a great purpose for me, that I cannot always see. But like the original Apostles, I still believe in Him. I still know He loves me. And little by little that bigger picture is being revealed. But it probably will remain somewhat of a mystery to me until after I die. And that's ok.
The question may come to anyone who reads this (as it has come to my mind, and also to my husband's) of why I want a daughter so badly. Why do I put myself through this? Why do I go to all the trouble to pray and think all of this through? Why go to all of the trouble to write this all out? And the answer is simple: I have ALWAYS felt I was going to have a daughter. Always. Sometimes I ask myself the question: was Elsa
that daughter I always felt? But the spirit tells me, there is another. "Faith in the Lord includes faith in His timing." -Elder Neil A. Maxwell
Yet, I know we will have one AMAZING life if we have all boys. Because if we do, I know the Lord's plan is SO MUCH bigger than mine. So although I would
greatly like another girl, I do NOT need another girl.
October 17-18
My very kind sister
dropped Brent and Milo and I at the Portland airport at 8:15 pm, and drove back to our suburban home with our three older kids. Brent and I were scheduled to catch the red eye flight to New York City. VERY EXCITING! Brent and I had planned to take a trip together, sans children, for our 10th anniversary. But because of a dear baby and a funeral it didn't happen that 10th year. "Never fear," Brent said. "The only reason the 10th anniversary is such a milestone is because we have 10 fingers. If we had 11 fingers, the 11th anniversary would be the big milestone." So we laughed it off and decided to take a trip for our 11th Anniversary. Somewhere cool, like Europe or Hawaii. But with our 11th Anniversary came another baby. And with our 12th came a missionary homecoming for Brent's brother that we felt we should attend. Finally for our lucky 13th anniversary + 2 months, we had a trip planned and booked. The old cliche "better late than never" comes to mind. My younger sister and her husband have been living in New York City for years, and had offered to let us come and crash at their place. We finally decided to take them up on the offer, since they might be leaving for graduate school within the next year. I sat at the computer one day, on the Jet Blue Airlines website, like a frightened child on the high diving board trying to get the courage to jump off. I quickly clicked the send button to buy the tickets before I could think too long or too hard about leaving my kids (especially 2 year old Ollie). So on October 17th, we were at the airport with only our baggage and our 3 month old baby, ready to fly east through the night on an adventure.
We arrived at the JFK airport at 5:30 am, New York Time...which is 3 hours before Pacific Time, so it was the middle of the night for us. Brent didn't sleep at all. I dozed in and out of sleep. Milo slept easily on my lap the whole way on top of the boppy pillow and wrapped in a swaddle wrap. The flight was completely booked and we didn't buy a seat for Milo, but it turned out better to have him sleep on the boppy pillow on my lap so I could keep him from crying the whole way. Everyone on the flight thanked me later, when we arrived and Milo never made sound. Did I mention that it was the best idea EVER to bring the boppy pillow? Because it was. Even though it is quite large. I stuffed it down into a fabric tote and shoved it under the stroller when we were en route to and from the airport. Otherwise, it stayed at my sister's apartment.
We had planned to ride the subway all the way from the airport on the far end of Queens, to Northern Manhattan, Harlem, where my sister lives. She had warned us that we might want to consider taking a taxi to her place, but our frugality won out and we were all set to take the subway- just jump in to New York City, over our heads, right from the start...our first time on the NYC subway WITH a baby and a stroller AND all of our luggage. My sister laughed at us, and told us she would come pick us up with her car-- even though she had never driven all the way out there and was a little nervous to do so. She got us back to her place just in time for her husband to take the car to go to work (north of NYC), and to get there on time for an important business meeting. Whew!
After we got to her place, we were hoping to drop off our luggage and get right back out there to start seeing stuff...but when we saw our bed, our bodies told us that we had jet lag and needed to take a nap. So we did. For four hours!
We left Heather's apartment through the back alley way, since we had our stroller and there is a ramp back there. As soon as we walked out the back door, I was instantaneously amazed! I looked up at the buildings and realized "WE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY!" I took this picture:
a kind of view that I've seen all my life on television, and now I'm seeing it in real life.
Being in New York City is surreal. It is strange. No city is as filmed as NYC. Around every corner something is familiar, yet I know I've never been there before. And then came the culture shock. Yes. NYC is culture shock.
N.Y.C. Sewer
We walked right up the hill from my sister's apartment building, turned a corner and there was the subway. Weird. We bought these metro cards which gave us unlimited subway and bus use for a week. I think they were about $30 each. To get on the subway, you just swipe your card.
In the subway with my sis
I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to stand out, look like a tourist, or an easy target for theft; vulnerable. I didn't know what the people would be like, or if there was a lot of crime. I figured we'd be safe since my sister had lived there for 7 years just fine. I had all my belongings safely stowed under the stroller...but down in the subway...I just couldn't help myself! I had to get my big camera out and take pictures. Tourist.
The main thing that caught my attention was the fine detail: the tilework, the effort that was made to beautify this particular subway stop. And it was old! Oh, and it was also pretty dirty down there. But what would you expect? I had heard people say that NYC was dirty, but actually it seemed pretty clean to me...all except for the subway and the exhaust.
art in the subway
It was getting pretty late in the day and we kinda had a plan. We were going to catch a free concert at the Lincoln Center...us...and everybody else in the city. So the concert was full and we couldn't get in. We wandered around the upper west side, ate dinner, etc.
The NYC Temple
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
It's right by the Lincoln Center
We ate dinner right behind the Temple at a little place called Le Pain. That's not pain as in hurt, but bread in French. It was lovely. It brought back fond memories for both Brent and I of our summers that we lived in France. We ordered a cheese and bread platter. I HAD to. When I lived in France, it was the 90's...in the middle of the non-fat craze. I was so strict back then I did not eat one.single.piece of French cheese. Regret.
For the record, I pretty much eat all the cheese I want now. And all the fat I want. Healthy fat. Mostly.
Oh, for the love!
Milo hanging with Auntie.
spinach soup, very similar to soup I did happen to eat frequently when I lived in France
We wanted to take a picture of the cheese platter, but unfortunately we devoured it quickly before we remembered. It was just that good.
But we did get a picture of our pain chocolat:
...which was also very delicious.
After dinner we wandered around for a while, just taking everything in:
The Juiliard School...I stopped and had a little dream about one of my boys becoming a classical musician.
The Lincoln Center, where the opera, ballet, and symphony are housed. Along with other concerts and War Horse, the play was currently running. Very lovely at night.
We walked into Central Park, just a little bit:
tree, in central park, with city lights in background
...AND the pop art version of this picture:
I couldn't decide which one I liked better.
In this Central Park tunnel, we saw our first (and only) NYC rat. And Brent and my sis played around with the acoustics of the tunnel.
Just walking along the edge of Central Park,
there are fountains and statues and plenty of sights to see; plenty of people still out hurrying around.
This is Columbus Circle, the very Southwest corner of Central Park.
Gah! I was just completely amazed with everything. Overwhelmed.
Then, as I'm feeling completely amazed, we walk into a tall building before reaching Times Square, we take an escalator into the basement, and there is Whole Foods. All the healthy New Yorkers are out on a Thursday night doing their grocery shopping, buying local apples from an upstate New York farm (they were delicious- just the right amount of sweet-tart). Packing everything into a small hand trolley to fit into the subway with, and take back to their small Manhattan apartments. Culture Shock. Luckily for us, we had the roomy basket on the bottom of Milo's stroller. We could fit plenty of fresh, local produce in that basket. We were feeling pretty glad that we decided to take the bigger stroller instead of the umbrella stroller.
Then we left the store, rounded a corner...and there! Just right there is a stairway down into the subway again. Culture Shock.
I thought this was pretty funny.
It was the first (or second) indication that New Yorkers (or perhaps Back-Easters) don't really follow the particulars of the law. And the police don't really seem to mind. They let the little particulars slip...maybe because there are so many people, and many bigger things to worry about. We didn't see any crime. There were a couple of interesting incidents we encountered, like a woman cat fight in the subway station at night, and some gangster teens popping wheelies on four wheelers on the freeway. But other than that, a very pleasant, crime free city. With just the small particulars of the law mostly ignored. Interesting. Culture Shock {a little}.
Here we are in the subway near Times Square, about to head back to sister's place. I liked the art in the subway too. I found overall that I really liked subway art.
And here is our lovely stroller set up, with the bags of groceries from Whole Foods.
And here we are, back at the elevator in sister's very efficiently small Manhattan apartment. Tired.
Culture Shock. Woah! Subway. You have to be fast and a little bit pushy to be a New Yorker. We were almost unable to get off at one of our stops with the stroller because we weren't pushy enough to get off before the crowd of people started streaming on. We learned our lesson. New Yorkers must be very competent and bold to get what they want and where they want.
Good first day.
8/16/12
We celebrated three years since Elsa's birth in Utah! We took a quick trip to Utah just to celebrate her birthday at her grave. No just kidding! But it felt like it. We were thinking about doing the trip so some of our family and friends could meet our new baby Milo, but I was really uncertain about wanting to do such a long trip with a 6 week old baby. I don't think I decided for certain if we would go or not until the night before. Because of that, all of our plans were last minute and it was not very well planned out and we didn't get to see as many people as we hoped, which is a bummer. But I was happy that we could have a birthday party on Elsa's grave this year. The whole celebration could not come close to comparing to
our beautiful tea party that we had last year...but I'm cutting myself some slack since I just had a baby! Anyway, we spent almost the whole day in the car driving, and we arrived in Salt Lake City around dinner time. We stopped and ordered some take out, picked up some flowers and a cake and other birthday supplies at Dan's, and went and had a picnic at Elsa's grave. The sign at the graveyard says no picnics, but I'm going to go ahead and waive that rule for us when we've just arrived from out of town on our daughter's birthday. :)
We put up some streamers and I bought a beautiful GIRLY butterfly balloon (which I payed for and then accidentally left at the store...but went back and got it afterward, and tied it on the flowers).
I took so long taking pictures that the wick burned out on the cheap candle, before we could finish singing Happy Birthday. Brent said that Elsa blew it out! :)
6 week-old Milo
I did have a couple of easy little Elsa Day Celebration projects, which didn't exactly get finished on her birthday. But they were good for me. I will post about them separately. I didn't order and release butterflies this year, or do a service project...but like I said earlier, we're cutting me some slack since I just had a baby! ;)
We love and miss our Elsa dearly...but our family would only be a shadow of what we've become in the past 3 years. I have faith that all will be Well!
8/9/12
A couple of months back, Oliver turned 2! And I'
m finally going to try to get caught up.
I am not joking when I say that Oliver is a dreamboat of a toddler boy. He is so smart and sweet and when he gets into something (like all toddlers will), he stops when we ask him to and will help clean up. Ok we had a little rough patch with him for the first couple of months after Milo was born, but he's doing a lot better now. He is still taking good naps even though he learned to climb out of his crib. He still likes his pacifier, but will not melt down without it. He is still not done teething, and when he is we will start phasing out the pacifier. He still loves his blankets and kitty and other stuffed animals. He loves all animals and cars and books. He likes to color and pretend play. I LOVE his sweet face and his voice (he talks a lot!). He is our only kid so far with brown (brownish/olive green) eyes, so that is really special (Milo might have them too).
I have a pretty strict policy about what kind of toys I give my kids now (no small pieces, minimal plastic, nothing crappy that will end up in the garbage in less than a week, nothing huge). He got a stuffed mouse that you can dress and undress with zippers, buttons, hooks, etc. He also got a stuffed peacock to help him remember how much he loved the "gock-gock" at our old house, a cloth quiet book that he loves to play with, and a woodland creature house from Melissa and Doug (which is my favorite!). I saw that woodland creature house the Christmas after Elsa was born and thought "that is the kind of doll house I would have bought for Elsa," and that made me sad. So when I was trying to think of gifts for Ollie I thought of it again, as we already have too many cars and plenty of books...and Ollie LOVES little animals and pretend play, so it is PERFECT! He loves the little bunny and mouse in the house. He puts them in their chairs and beds. He also puts his cars and other toys in there.
It was a low-key kind of day. Brent had to work, and we had already officially celebrated his birthday with cake and ice cream and party guests at Milo's baby blessing open house. So Joshua made him waffles in the morning, and he ate them with fresh raspberry sauce, frozen blackberries and vanilla ice cream, with candles on top!
He did a great job blowing the candles out!
A one month old Milo.
Oliver is such a babe! Seriously!
I really should be in bed right now...but I feel like I need to get my thoughts and feelings down before I forget.
As to why I am starting this so late...my toddler has decided that it is about time he starts having an attitude and some independence. And it took me THREE hours to get him to bed tonight. I eventually had to give in and lay down with him so he would fall asleep. It took him so long that I fell asleep too. So technically I already have a couple of hours of sleep behind me for tonight. Let's hope this phase doesn't last long. He's been a great sleeper for the past year, and I'm hoping that tonight's debacle was due to him napping until 7:30 pm. Yeah...it was kind of one of those moments that we were blissfully unaware of how late it was getting. WON'T let it happen again!
Anyway...wow! It seems like I *just* posted about spring conference not too long ago, and here we are again! Except this time I am not pregnant and I have a three month old baby. Woah! But it seems like
General Conference is getting more and more applicable to my life each and every session. Or maybe I'm growing more aware of the spiritual prompting that Heavenly Father is sending me. Either way, more and more of the talks seem to apply just to me...and that is an amazing feeling. To think that I'm important enough to Heavenly Father that He would have his leaders and apostles speak about something I need to hear (I'm sure lots of other people needed to hear them too, but still!).
Here are just a few of the talks that I can recall off the top of my head:
President Thomas S. Monson's talk where the age of missionary service is lowered to 18 for men and 19 for women:
WOW! My first thought is that my son could be leaving on a mission in 7 and a half years, if he chooses to...no pressure to leave that soon!
My second thought is that I would've gone on a mission if the age was 19 instead of 21. I can't imagine how different my life would've been. I love the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, and I always have. I REALLY wanted to serve a mission. But alas, I met my husband when we were 17, he left on a mission when we were 19, and he came home when we were 21. I decided to marry him instead of leaving him for another year and a half. That was a great decision, and I have no regrets, because during that time I was able to graduate from college AND spend my summers serving the Young Women of our church at
Brighton LDS Camp. I did what the Lord wanted me to do with that time.
And last of all, WOW! I got complete goosebumps when I saw the newsfeed on my facebook account of all the Young Women who are 18 and 19, how excited they are about this new change, and how many of them are planning to go on a mission earlier, and what that means for our world. How is our world going to be changing in the next few years with this many more missionaries out there? How many more people will have the opportunity to learn of our Savior's love, and personal revelation through the holy ghost, and the saving ordinances that we participate in...including the one that allows families to be sealed together during this life, so that we can always be a family after we die? How much sooner is this going to get the earth ready for the return of our Savior? How much sooner is this going to make the great resurrection and the time that I get to hold Elsa again? All of these things will be wonderful, and I
hope know that these new missionaries will make a great difference in our world.
Elder Bowen's talk about his little boy that died too soon:
Ah! How sad it is that our children can die before their parents! This talk was such a comfort though, to know that other people...even General Authorities are going through the same challenges as I am, and some of us are. And that it is ok to know that we will never be the same until we are reunited as a family again. And to know that God is aware of me (and all of us baby-loss parents) to send us that message.
President Eyring's talk about submitting to the Lord's will and making ourselves more available to His will. Actually there were many, many talks about being disciples of Jesus and making ourselves totally available to His will. Elder Holland, Elder Hales, Elder Osguthorpe, Elder Bednar and President Monson's concluding remarks.
There were also a few talks specifically about how the Lord is aware of each of His children individually. I will have to go through and listen to all the talks again to sort them out, but the main one that sticks out to me is actually from the Relief Society broadcast from last weekend.
The Second Counselor Linda S. Reeves gave a talk which I felt was very similar to President Eyring's talk on Saturday. It seemed to speak to me specifically in certain ways that are just a little too private for me to share just yet...maybe someday. But it helped me greatly feel that the Lord is aware of me. But to add on my personal witness that the Lord is aware of me, I am going to share a very personal story from the day that Elsa was born. I wondered if I would ever feel the prompting to share this story publicly but after this General Conference, I feel like I must add my very sacred story of the knowledge I have that the Lord is real, and that He loves me very much. And THIS my friends (if you're still reading this far then truly you are my friend) is THE STORY that got me through (and still gets me through) the tragedy of Elsa's death.
This story starts on a Sunday. It is Stake Conference, and I am 38.5 weeks pregnant. I am having contractions in the morning. I wonder if I should go. Since it does not seem like active labor yet, I decide to go to stake conference and sit through the two hour meeting while I'm having contractions. I don't remember any of the talks from this meeting. I don't remember who spoke or what they said. But what I do remember, just like it was yesterday, was our Stake President getting up in front of the pulpit before the opening song (Hymn #52, The Day Dawn Is Breaking) and saying "The Lord wants us to sing this song today. I don't know why, but He does." I have never seen or heard of that happening before: someone getting up and saying specifically that the Lord chose a hymn, so it really touched me and I felt that *I* had better pay close attention to the words of the song. The hymn is all about the Second Coming, the Morning of the First Resurrection, the Millennium, happy reunion with our loved ones lost. So I think to myself, WOW! I wonder why the Lord wants us to sing this hymn? Is the Millennium coming soon? Cool! And I sit through the rest of the meeting, not really listening to the speakers because I am focusing on contractions that are getting stronger and closer together. And I am trying to keep my little boys (4 years old and 7 years old) from touching me or climbing on me. Yow! And I'm feeling kind of excited and hopeful that labor is starting and that my baby girl might be born today! And I'm sitting there with no conscious idea of what has already happened to my baby girl.
So what happens next, I've already shared. I've already shared
Elsa's birth story. You can go back and read it if you like. It's the most popular post on my blog. It might have gotten my midwives entangled in a stupid, unfounded little political mess.
Right after Elsa is born is when this story ties back in. I realized *why exactly* the Lord wanted us to sing "The Day Dawn Is Breaking" at Stake Conference, and why it was so important that our Stake President did something completely out of the ordinary by getting up and telling us so. That was for me. Out of everyone in the stake, it was for me. AND, the Lord did that for me. He did that to let me know that He was aware of my immense trial that would lie before me. He did that to reassure me that it was part of His plan. He did that to let me know what a special time the Morning of the First Resurrection was going to be for me. He did that to reassure me that I would get Elsa back, irregardless of the fact that she was stillborn and didn't take her first breath. He did that for me. And I know it! Whenever I think about it, it brings me great comfort. I can feel His arms wrapped around me, and know that He is aware of me.
My friends, I know that the Savior lives, and that He is aware of each of us.
The Persian Gallery was perhaps the most interesting because I love the art and I really think it's a time and part of the world that gets skimmed over in History class. The top left statues remind me of the Neverending Story, no? Don't they look like they're about to shoot lasers out of their eyes? And the picture on the top right is cuneiform, one of the earliest known forms of writting.
