The Wood Between the Worlds

This post really SHOULD have been titled "I want my newborn," but as I the boys and I were eating dinner together Joshua said something really sweet.  We were talking about how we are a forever family and we will get Elsa back some day.  I told the boys that we all have to try our best to be good and get to heaven so that we can be together with Elsa because we know that's where she is.  And Joshua said "heaven or bust!"  He also said to me very seriously, upon seeing me crying "we are all crying inside".
Tara and Katie....
Please don't read this for at least a week
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Anyway, tomorrow Elsa would be 1 month old.  Yesterday and today my two best girlfriends here had their baby boys (we were all pregnant together, remember?).  I am so happy for them.  But I couldn't help crying when I saw pictures of their newborns.  I just couldn't!  I WANT MY NEWBORN!  I just find it ironic that I spent half of my pregnancy pretenting not to be so excited that I was having a girl so I wouldn't make my friends feel bad that they were having their 4th and and 5th boys...and now they are going to have to worry about making me feel bad that they have their newborns and I don't.
I just want the world to know:
I WAS SO EXCITED TO HAVE MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!  I wanted her SO much.

This will be ok.  I will go and visit them.  They will understand if I shed a tear or two...being the kind of friends they are.  I will hold their babies and feel the soft warmth of a newborn in my arms.  This will get easier with time.  That is what my visiting teacher told me today.  She lost her little boy 12 years ago, and while she was telling me about it today she was tearing up...still after 12 years.